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March 22, 2010 at 12:00 AM
Thank you so much for writing this. Although it looks like this story has been abandoned, I very much hope you will return to it at some point in the future. The world you’ve created, and the characters who inhabit it, are complex to a degree that almost mirrors reality. If humans ever colonised other planets, you have convinced me that this is how it would happen.
Reading through your other reviews, I find it interesting that so many people are asking for a more precise description of the main characters. I, personally, feel that the information you've provided is perfectly sufficient; moreover, I find it irritating when authors focus too heavily on their characters' physical attributes. It feels self-indulgent, and it bogs down the pace - particularly if the writer doesn't find a graceful way to include such information. I feel, as you do, that the best way to insert physical descriptions of a character is through the eyes of a stranger.
I also enjoy your method of revealing each character's back-story. I think a slow tease is the most interesting and unobtrusive way to get that information across; it also fits well with the general atmosphere of mystery and confusion. I love that you leave so many questions unanswered, or make the reader wait (and wait, and wait) for an answer. It's all the lies and intrigue that make this story so compelling.
Light Writer raised a good point in her (his?) review. I think one of this story's biggest strengths is that it has remained thoroughly, brutally non-con. Stories where the victim learns to enjoy their abuse are almost always unconvincing. And while I love (truly love) Jahhan, I have to hand it to you for not giving him a single break. His situation is going from bad to worse, as good fiction does.
And I hope this doesn't seem like a backhanded compliment, but the quality of your writing has visibly improved over the course of the eleven chapters, and that has been a pleasure to observe.
"Territory Slaves" is the most engrossing piece of online fiction I have ever come across. For the past few hours, I have been living on another planet. You simply made me forget my real life.
Reading through your other reviews, I find it interesting that so many people are asking for a more precise description of the main characters. I, personally, feel that the information you've provided is perfectly sufficient; moreover, I find it irritating when authors focus too heavily on their characters' physical attributes. It feels self-indulgent, and it bogs down the pace - particularly if the writer doesn't find a graceful way to include such information. I feel, as you do, that the best way to insert physical descriptions of a character is through the eyes of a stranger.
I also enjoy your method of revealing each character's back-story. I think a slow tease is the most interesting and unobtrusive way to get that information across; it also fits well with the general atmosphere of mystery and confusion. I love that you leave so many questions unanswered, or make the reader wait (and wait, and wait) for an answer. It's all the lies and intrigue that make this story so compelling.
Light Writer raised a good point in her (his?) review. I think one of this story's biggest strengths is that it has remained thoroughly, brutally non-con. Stories where the victim learns to enjoy their abuse are almost always unconvincing. And while I love (truly love) Jahhan, I have to hand it to you for not giving him a single break. His situation is going from bad to worse, as good fiction does.
And I hope this doesn't seem like a backhanded compliment, but the quality of your writing has visibly improved over the course of the eleven chapters, and that has been a pleasure to observe.
"Territory Slaves" is the most engrossing piece of online fiction I have ever come across. For the past few hours, I have been living on another planet. You simply made me forget my real life.
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January 22, 2010 at 12:00 AM
I really enjoyed reading the first 11 chapters of Territory Slaves. The characters and plot are intriguing. Do you plan to write more or do you have this fic located on another website?
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February 12, 2008 at 12:00 AM
I love the updates and changes - thanks so much for your efforts! Looking forward to more in this story. :-) It has so much potential.
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February 4, 2008 at 12:00 AM
Brava.
A very, very impressive well written piece, with well portrayed characters and an intricate plot.
What is it doing here, on AFF? Shouldn't you be sending it out to every publisher around? It isn't as if they could refuse.
A very, very impressive well written piece, with well portrayed characters and an intricate plot.
What is it doing here, on AFF? Shouldn't you be sending it out to every publisher around? It isn't as if they could refuse.
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January 11, 2008 at 12:00 AM
Happy new year - and thanks for the edits... ;-) It's good to have you back. As I've said before, I love your characters and plot - it's way more sophisticated than the other works here and I'm not sure why folks don't see the plot because I love the political intricacies. You really have something here and I'm definitely looking forward to both you and Light Writer's updates. Thanks!
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January 10, 2008 at 12:00 AM
I just finished reading all the chapters. Tried to do it in one go, but got tired last night.
All I can say is...Excellent!
I can't wait to read more.
All I can say is...Excellent!
I can't wait to read more.
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December 18, 2007 at 12:00 AM
Hi, hope you didn`t give up on the story since it has been so long since your last update. The characters are great, so credibel and complex. The plot is very intriguing and inventive. Pleas update soon:)
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December 13, 2007 at 12:00 AM
Okay, all you "Territory Slaves" readers, head over to http://www2.adultfanfiction.net/forum/index.php?act=ST&f=24&t=3731 and vote! You can highlight the link, right click + copy, then paste it into your browser.
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December 11, 2007 at 12:00 AM
Wow, this stuff is so great!! Hope you'll update soon!
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October 21, 2007 at 12:00 AM
Thanks so much for sharing this story. It's really very cleverly put together - I love the world, the plots, politics and intriguing coterie of characters. I read all your available 11 chapters straight through and re-read them again... absolutely loved the intensity and intelligence. Please keep this story going... you have a rare talent. :-)