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January 27, 2009 at 12:00 AM
I really like this story so far. It's sort of addicting
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January 25, 2009 at 12:00 AM
Oh I just read this and I can say I hope there is more soon.
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January 23, 2009 at 12:00 AM
Hi! Its me... I saw "Dut!" in bold... your not mad at me are ya? *sniff* I'm your loyal fan~~~ T-T
BY the way.. Is chapt 4 suppose to contain your story? Cause All I see is the A/N.... Maybe something went wrong? Just let you know...
Ps: I'll remove this later
BY the way.. Is chapt 4 suppose to contain your story? Cause All I see is the A/N.... Maybe something went wrong? Just let you know...
Ps: I'll remove this later
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January 23, 2009 at 12:00 AM
Goodness, you're really doing a good job with this. Your descriptions are vivid, and your characters interesting. Looking forward to the plot unfolding further. Thanks for sharing your updates!
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January 12, 2009 at 12:00 AM
I am really liking this story. Please update soon, cause I really want to know what happens next.
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January 11, 2009 at 12:00 AM
Hello!
I've just finished reading chapter two and I think I'm hooked on you story, it has a really great plot! Apparently you didn't update in a while, those things happen, lol. But I selfishly hope there will be more chapters to come, I think the more I'm reading it, the more I'm liking it. ^^
I'm not getting what kind of person Roland is, yet, but I love that he tries not to act all weak in spite of his looks! (I'm sick of uke, passive, and so on) and I like Kenbish's character, he looks fun, original and not cliché.
Although, I find it a bit odd that, even if he seems obviously upset, Roland isn't revolting that much about the fact that all his acquaintances are dead? It might be because he can't handle everything and don't try to think about it right now, though. As my vocabulary is a bit limitated, I didn't understand exactly the whole political situation, or some details at least, but I might get it better with the next chapter. ^^ But I like it, that there seems to be actually a real plot, with a detailed and rich background! (You don't find that easily on adultfanfiction, through there are some great stories)
So, as I am french, I was thinking I could tell you the exact phrases you needed in chapter two? I hope it's not too irritating of me to do that. (And I'm sorry if my review is not easy to understand, there are those days when you can almost speak fluently a foreign language and those you wonder about each words you should put next in your sentences, how painful ^^")
So:
As for "Mais qui diable êtes-vous?" the sentence is all goob, but the phrase "qui diable" is not really used anymore nowaday. Maybe should you say instead "Mais qui êtes-vous, à la fin?" or "Mais vous êtes qui?" (more "oral")
About: "S’il vous plait… Sauvez-moi…n'allez pas" instead of sauvez-moi, which sounds a bit too much in that case in french, you should maybe have said the equivalent of 'help-me' "Aidez-moi..." and "n'allez pas" doesn't mean 'don't go' in french. Much like "don't go to that place", except 'that place' is missing, and "n'allez pas" doesn't really apply in that case. maybe instead you should try "Ne partez pas" (equal, don't leave) or "Ne me laissez-pas" (don't leave me)
"ou est-ce que ça fait mal?" this is not wrong, grammatically, but in french we'd say more something like "Qu'est-qui vous fait mal?" "où avez-vous mal?" (the second is the most used) Uh, I may be a bit "picky", lol.
“It hurts! Merde! Arrêtez-le ! Il blesse!!” (Shit! Stop it! It hurts!) This is the only other sentence that is gramatically wrong (along with "n'allez pas")I suggest: "Merde, faites cesser ça! Ca fait mal!" (you said something like "shit, stop him, he is hurting me")
“Puiant!” (Fuck!) There I think you meant "Putain!"
That's it!
I'm moving to chapter three! Bye!
I've just finished reading chapter two and I think I'm hooked on you story, it has a really great plot! Apparently you didn't update in a while, those things happen, lol. But I selfishly hope there will be more chapters to come, I think the more I'm reading it, the more I'm liking it. ^^
I'm not getting what kind of person Roland is, yet, but I love that he tries not to act all weak in spite of his looks! (I'm sick of uke, passive, and so on) and I like Kenbish's character, he looks fun, original and not cliché.
Although, I find it a bit odd that, even if he seems obviously upset, Roland isn't revolting that much about the fact that all his acquaintances are dead? It might be because he can't handle everything and don't try to think about it right now, though. As my vocabulary is a bit limitated, I didn't understand exactly the whole political situation, or some details at least, but I might get it better with the next chapter. ^^ But I like it, that there seems to be actually a real plot, with a detailed and rich background! (You don't find that easily on adultfanfiction, through there are some great stories)
So, as I am french, I was thinking I could tell you the exact phrases you needed in chapter two? I hope it's not too irritating of me to do that. (And I'm sorry if my review is not easy to understand, there are those days when you can almost speak fluently a foreign language and those you wonder about each words you should put next in your sentences, how painful ^^")
So:
As for "Mais qui diable êtes-vous?" the sentence is all goob, but the phrase "qui diable" is not really used anymore nowaday. Maybe should you say instead "Mais qui êtes-vous, à la fin?" or "Mais vous êtes qui?" (more "oral")
About: "S’il vous plait… Sauvez-moi…n'allez pas" instead of sauvez-moi, which sounds a bit too much in that case in french, you should maybe have said the equivalent of 'help-me' "Aidez-moi..." and "n'allez pas" doesn't mean 'don't go' in french. Much like "don't go to that place", except 'that place' is missing, and "n'allez pas" doesn't really apply in that case. maybe instead you should try "Ne partez pas" (equal, don't leave) or "Ne me laissez-pas" (don't leave me)
"ou est-ce que ça fait mal?" this is not wrong, grammatically, but in french we'd say more something like "Qu'est-qui vous fait mal?" "où avez-vous mal?" (the second is the most used) Uh, I may be a bit "picky", lol.
“It hurts! Merde! Arrêtez-le ! Il blesse!!” (Shit! Stop it! It hurts!) This is the only other sentence that is gramatically wrong (along with "n'allez pas")I suggest: "Merde, faites cesser ça! Ca fait mal!" (you said something like "shit, stop him, he is hurting me")
“Puiant!” (Fuck!) There I think you meant "Putain!"
That's it!
I'm moving to chapter three! Bye!
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January 10, 2009 at 12:00 AM
I like this. Doesn't seem like I should be getting too hopeful (given how often updates come) but thought I'd say I like it anyway. Has a SF 'voice' that I am drawn to in my non-slash reading list. Gritty, grey. I've always liked well-concieved post-apocalyptic tales.
You have a tendency to use the 'as-you-know-bob' info-dumps, but otherwise your writing is really good - sucks me in to your world. I like the milieu, the character development. Hope you continue. :)
You have a tendency to use the 'as-you-know-bob' info-dumps, but otherwise your writing is really good - sucks me in to your world. I like the milieu, the character development. Hope you continue. :)
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January 9, 2009 at 12:00 AM
adore the title,the end of the last ch and a m hoping you'll update more regulary.
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January 8, 2009 at 12:00 AM
OMG!!! This is so freak'n HOT!!! I want mooooore! XD
Man, that Ken dude sure is something!....
Anyways, I really hope that u update again soon 'cause I LOVE this story! :D Thanks!
Man, that Ken dude sure is something!....
Anyways, I really hope that u update again soon 'cause I LOVE this story! :D Thanks!
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January 7, 2009 at 12:00 AM
Hi! So very happy to see your story up again! I am a.k.a Dut by the way, your loyal reader of the previous two chapter you wrote...Thanks for updating! Hope the next one won't be that long haha....really I love your story... don't let it hang~~