rate_review Reviews

Poor X and Sex, they are in over their heads^_^;;

well i havent reveiwed for a couple of chaps but u r doing so well i have loved them big time great story and as for the last chappy ohhhh it was so great but dont take haley away we love him hes a cute puppy sexs new power is cool u r so clever we r lovin this story :) please type quikly i need to know what happens next

whoa whoa whoa

No i like Haley!!!! Love the chapter though. GO SEX but brong back Haley!

Chapter 5

I let Anna know kiix...

Love this chapter HAley has been claimed. Does this mean that he is going to live in Japan or will Ping be added to the Pod? haley is just adorable he loves his alpha yil death. More plot and Bunnies...MAJOR KUDOS!!!

Such a shock!!! The brothers without Haley? Are you determined to drive your fans crazy? While I like the idea of Haley having pups, I absolutely don't like the brothers not seing him again. You won't do that, right? You are just teasing.

Poor little Hades - will he adapt? Will he become happy anytime soon? I don't like to see him suffer. Everytime you write parts with Azrael I keep thinking Hades and Az are very alike.

How about the telekinesis? Sex rarely uses it. Somehow I got the imagination you want Sex to take over the leading role. I'm sure he would do pretty fine and a little vacation would do well for X but I hope they handle the emperor-business together.

Impatiently waiting for the next part! Keep up the good work - I love it.

Chapter Six

WHATTTT!!!!!!!!

ooooooh, so no more Sex/Az/X-Haley action... But what about the whole Alpha domination thing? Does Ping take over that or what? And I find the Haley-Ping situation similar to our X-Armor: Armor can't be X's official mate, but he can be his Consort. this is an interesting parallel... And wait a minute, SAX (my new name for Sex/Az/X) didn't ask to be in the middle of the mating ritual, or got into it by accident: Ping was sitting on him! lol, talk about a startling wake up though.

Excellent work, looking forward to puppies!! (Whenever they come...) (looking more forward to bunnies though. when's SAX gonna get home to his lovers??)

xxSpirit

Chapter 4-5

Whew! Thanks for the description of Billiam,
I pasted a pic of Billy Idol's head onto a
beautiful Armani suit to get my own picture.(HA!)

Haley's sweet and serious attitude all wrapped up in a
playful, caring, and attractive package is everything
a princess could hope for. Ping's luck is our gain!!

I didn't realize that I had missed SEX until he took Haley out.
Thanks for the Int'l phone sex and for the image of Riot running
around with a parasol!!

Thanks!
E.S.
R

hi!

I hope you don't mind making some points on the "walking around Tokyo" parts. I do it in good faith. So I hope you don't mind.

I'm no japanese and no expert. But I've been to Tokyo 6 times. So I may help a bit. You should make some changes when reviewing everything to final draft (if that's in your plans).

A thing you must to keep in your mind is that Tokyo is unlike any other place you've probably ever been to. Forget all you think you know about cities, Tokyo will shatter it to hell.

1st, rush hour is hardly a problem in there. Streets are full always and very very full on afternoons after office and school time. But people walks on their left and if they feel someone behind them in a hurry they will let them pass. Even walking by a full street is not much of an issue.

2nd the chances of anyone looking at him because he has blue hair are slim. In young people some crazy look is normal, common and expected. And... staring or displaying any sort of feeling is frowned upon, so not much people is going to display their curiosity openly. Some young girls may talk exitedly with friends while looking at him. But not much more. Because pointing, disaproving, staring... is unpolite and politeness is a basic principle in Japan to be respected. Only way he will get that is if HE annoys them by being unpolite or doing something considered unpolite. Also because to japanese to show too much expression on their faces is not considered pretty or good, no one will show that they are too nervous about him. Make that subtle.

And, third and last. There is no such thing as a center of the city or not center of the city in Tokyo. Think of Tokyo as many important cities together. They have a dozen HUGE "neighbourhoods/zones" that are, on themselves, cities. And the places where more underworld things happens are often just a side street of a main commercial posh street. or a random place you wouldn't notice a difference except maybe because everything and everyone screams classy and expensive. That-s Yakuza for you, they rule Japan, everyone knows it and most people are happy with it because they keep the streets clean of pickpockets and general low-level violent crimes that affects normal people. So, yeah, the chances of him finding a seedy parts or similar in Tokyo in less than 24h are slim to none. Something not centrical means a place that has not many shops or shoppers, with lots of living space places and not much people except for people going to or from home, supermarket, school, office...

It's risky to write about something happening in Tokyo without having been there or doing extensive research. Personally, I would put off most of this chapter. Because it would be easier than adapt everything to reality.

Keep out any references to general city and say something like we went to shopping area (not malls, they hardly exist in Tokyo) near the hotel, we went to aside street, etc... And put out anything that touches japanese, their reaction, their expressions, the city and it's organization and tokyo live.

Either that. Or start collecting people that has been in Tokyo that can give you ideas to keep the chapter as it is but adapting everything and modifying the reasons for some things to happen. For example, if he's hungry, normally he would enter any convenience store and get some food to eat on the go onigiri, crepes, nikku-man...) to kill a little the hunger before he actually goes have his lunch. Since he doesn't knows better he may eat while walking (big NO NO in a crowded place, nobody wants your food near their clothes or to see you eat) and that may make people look at him. Afterwards our friendly local werewolf could point that to him so the readers gets to know the real reason why he was atracting attention ammong normal people.

Please do not take this badly, it's not a bad critic. Tokyo is another world, it's expected that you assume that things there are as they are in most other places. If I bother telling you all this is because I think the story and your writing are good enough to not deserve to have a full chapter based on incorrent assumptions. I think Caramel, Cinnamon and Cake are worth much more of yet another "american chick thinking that USA is the center of the world and everyone are like them". No I don't believe you think like that (or anyone), but more often than not, that's what people thinks about fiction writers who situates action in Tokyo and screws the whole thing (school fictions are a prime example of that trend). I think you merit to avoid falling into that category.

Please please please don't get angry. My english is not that good. So if I wrote anything in a disrecpectfull manner, please keep in mind it's really not my intention. I love this story to pieces and I owe you many hours of great reading. Last thing in my mind is to offend, angry or upset you in anyway.

My, I cant keep up with you for shit? Can I? How do you have so much energy to update so quickley, it amazes me. Anyway, is Ping going to take Haley away from me? But I love him! Is he still going to be with X, living with him and stuff? I dont care if she comes, but I'll cry if you take him away( I'll still R and R, though). Btw, X and Haley are soooooo sexy! I knew Haley was big, but damn! He practically broke poor X *laughs*! Haley is just cute all around, he stole my heart. Great chapter, update soon please!!!!