schedule
June 6, 2007 at 12:00 AM
Since you asked us to grade your story, I will. But grading alone won’t do, I’m afraid. Giving it a simple letter, or number – I’m from Belgium and we don’t use the letter-system – without giving a short explanation.
Anyway, I would give this a “C” and I might as well add the following: my teachers wouldn’t be as kind as I am. But than again, their standards are rather high; they expect we can write fluent, dynamic texts in no less than three languages that are good enough to be published in – I’m not certain you know any Belgian newspaper so I’ll give a more familiar one – The Times. Apparently they seem to forget we are accountants-to-be and no journalists.
But enough about me, It’s your story I ought to talk about. You need to give more details; they escape, fine, but how did they do it? And more descriptions would be nice additions too. And don’t forget the stream of consciousness, which is vital to this kind of stories. The ending could sue some revision too; since it is rather sudden.
But the general idea is there, which is the most important – without it you can give as much descriptions, details and so on, while still ending up with a bad story – so from this point on you can only improve.
Kindest regards,
Nevyn
Anyway, I would give this a “C” and I might as well add the following: my teachers wouldn’t be as kind as I am. But than again, their standards are rather high; they expect we can write fluent, dynamic texts in no less than three languages that are good enough to be published in – I’m not certain you know any Belgian newspaper so I’ll give a more familiar one – The Times. Apparently they seem to forget we are accountants-to-be and no journalists.
But enough about me, It’s your story I ought to talk about. You need to give more details; they escape, fine, but how did they do it? And more descriptions would be nice additions too. And don’t forget the stream of consciousness, which is vital to this kind of stories. The ending could sue some revision too; since it is rather sudden.
But the general idea is there, which is the most important – without it you can give as much descriptions, details and so on, while still ending up with a bad story – so from this point on you can only improve.
Kindest regards,
Nevyn
schedule
May 25, 2007 at 12:00 AM
You should change the title to My Moonlight, cuz it fits the story a lot better. Also give more details. Like for an example you said she excaped Roy's tower... but how? You need to give details on things like that. Just go back over it and make sure it makes sense. It was good though, but I would have given you a B at the most for this... most likely a C. I hope this review helps you some.
schedule
April 18, 2007 at 12:00 AM
I would say it get's a "B", there are a few area's that stumble just a little, but Otherwise it's a good story with great potention to expand into something truly great.