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schedule
February 22, 2007 at 12:00 AM
LOL! This looks like a fun fic! He ate clover at the beginning! NOOO, my family!!!!!!!!! *clears throat* anyway... Yes, I dare say I do have a few suggestions. Please don't take them the wrong way because I -DO- like this fic.
The vocabulary was very good. Though the actions could use a little more feeling. Hard to explain, but it seemed to be jumping around a lot. Maybe use a bit more detail about what's going on in his head. Cause and effect, if you know what I mean. My second little issue was that the seme - what was his name again? Bendell? - he only lasted two thrusts? Someone get the man viagra! Maybe it was your intention to make him seem a little quick, but if not, I'd suggest detail more of the sensations, taste, smell, feel, sight, etc, in between penetration and spilling his load? I hope it helps.
I found it very funny that the guy didn't realize the poor lil uni was a boy. That was hilarious. Loved the story though! Character so far... Reagan? He's adorable. Can't wait to see what happens next! Oh and good job on the grammar and spelling. Flawless as far as I could tell!
The vocabulary was very good. Though the actions could use a little more feeling. Hard to explain, but it seemed to be jumping around a lot. Maybe use a bit more detail about what's going on in his head. Cause and effect, if you know what I mean. My second little issue was that the seme - what was his name again? Bendell? - he only lasted two thrusts? Someone get the man viagra! Maybe it was your intention to make him seem a little quick, but if not, I'd suggest detail more of the sensations, taste, smell, feel, sight, etc, in between penetration and spilling his load? I hope it helps.
I found it very funny that the guy didn't realize the poor lil uni was a boy. That was hilarious. Loved the story though! Character so far... Reagan? He's adorable. Can't wait to see what happens next! Oh and good job on the grammar and spelling. Flawless as far as I could tell!
schedule
February 22, 2007 at 12:00 AM
*Hey this is like the third time I'm writing this* stupid Computer. Um I digress. What I meant to say was... OHMIGOD--Poor Regan. I would b**ch slap Bedell if I could. This Bedell sleezeball must have been pretty worked up not to have REALIZED Regan didn't have mounds when he pinched his nipples. I would be pretty interested in seeing what goes on from here. . . hopefully Bedell gets what is coming to him. Also, thanks for your kind words about my stories--I know how it is with reviews. A thousand people read your story and you get like what . . . 2 Reviews?*Jeez* >___<