schedule
April 18, 2007 at 12:00 AM
Huh. I kinda liked it at first, but then it got... sorta weird. Not the story, but the way you wrote it. I mean, it's an interesting idea, but you might reread it and try revising it. The language was strange... like, sort of unbelievable. The very first one was pretty good. I liked his point of view but then it just sort of... started slipping. It was just kinda awkward. I didn't believe any of them were real.
This isn't meant to be mean, just some constructive criticism. I don't know if you write very much. Maybe this was just a sour one. I just don't think the train of thought flows very well for each one and it... sort of reminds me of a 13 year old emo fanfic. Of course, for all I know, you could be a 13 year old emo fanfic writer, lol. Anyway, liked the idea, like I said, but you may try to focus on more believable thoughts and reactions and shy away from the sort of poor me, self pitying vibe I'm getting here. Good luck!
This isn't meant to be mean, just some constructive criticism. I don't know if you write very much. Maybe this was just a sour one. I just don't think the train of thought flows very well for each one and it... sort of reminds me of a 13 year old emo fanfic. Of course, for all I know, you could be a 13 year old emo fanfic writer, lol. Anyway, liked the idea, like I said, but you may try to focus on more believable thoughts and reactions and shy away from the sort of poor me, self pitying vibe I'm getting here. Good luck!