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January 31, 2007 at 12:00 AM
I serioiusly made an account here just so I could review this. This is turning out to be one of the most engaging stories i've read here in awhile. I'm really loving it, the plot and everything seems really thought out. please I cant wait to read more, make it soon
schedule
January 30, 2007 at 12:00 AM
Grr, stupid aff ate my review. *grumbles* Yeah, I wrote a really long review, and then aff decided to have time off, and when I came back, the review was gone. I'll try again (but it won't be as good as before, I know it). So.
"This kid has got more issues than Time magazine." *giggles* It was funny, although the situation was sad. Poor sod.
But I think it's good Luke's there. Milo needs something other to think about than his anger and despair. It's okay for him to feel that way, and totally understandable, but pulling oneself out of that state is pretty difficult. Being busy with something that takes his attention will help Milo. And apparently Luke really needs someone to take care of him. He's so fucked up (excuse my Klatchian) that I wonder if it is a recent development. But, above all, I wonder about what he's thinking.
That's necessarily a draw-back of first-person narration: you get only one view. But on the other hand, there are clues to the other character's motivations - well, there usually are. Things that the narrator doesn't quite get, but that a reader can understand. I totally love looking out for those clues. Okay, two chapters into a story isn't much for clues. Although, there were one or two occasions... but I'll wait and see what happens next before I start reading more. That means for you: update again, please. Tomorrow? ^-^
Oh, and totally off topic: When class got boring yesterday, my mind drifted back to "A Stage and a Bus" (I read it again. Twice, actually. I really should review it properly), and I thought about the title. It's only a suggestions, so if you don't like it, ignore me (and please, don't feel offended!): if you're not quite all right with the title, what would you say to re-naming it "The Allusion"? It's the (short)name of the band, so you have that part in, and Ben not getting what Dagen means is such a basic part of the plot and the boys' history. Besides, the whole band-name refers to much to Ben - after all, didn't Dagen name it after Ben?? - that IMHO it would be fitting title. But again, these are ramblings of my mind trying not to fall asleep. If I could draw, I'd draw a picture of the guys. But I can't, and so I busy myself with day-dreaming and annoying authors. Sorry if I annoyed you. I'm a fan, obsessing about my new favourite obsession. ^-^
CA
"This kid has got more issues than Time magazine." *giggles* It was funny, although the situation was sad. Poor sod.
But I think it's good Luke's there. Milo needs something other to think about than his anger and despair. It's okay for him to feel that way, and totally understandable, but pulling oneself out of that state is pretty difficult. Being busy with something that takes his attention will help Milo. And apparently Luke really needs someone to take care of him. He's so fucked up (excuse my Klatchian) that I wonder if it is a recent development. But, above all, I wonder about what he's thinking.
That's necessarily a draw-back of first-person narration: you get only one view. But on the other hand, there are clues to the other character's motivations - well, there usually are. Things that the narrator doesn't quite get, but that a reader can understand. I totally love looking out for those clues. Okay, two chapters into a story isn't much for clues. Although, there were one or two occasions... but I'll wait and see what happens next before I start reading more. That means for you: update again, please. Tomorrow? ^-^
Oh, and totally off topic: When class got boring yesterday, my mind drifted back to "A Stage and a Bus" (I read it again. Twice, actually. I really should review it properly), and I thought about the title. It's only a suggestions, so if you don't like it, ignore me (and please, don't feel offended!): if you're not quite all right with the title, what would you say to re-naming it "The Allusion"? It's the (short)name of the band, so you have that part in, and Ben not getting what Dagen means is such a basic part of the plot and the boys' history. Besides, the whole band-name refers to much to Ben - after all, didn't Dagen name it after Ben?? - that IMHO it would be fitting title. But again, these are ramblings of my mind trying not to fall asleep. If I could draw, I'd draw a picture of the guys. But I can't, and so I busy myself with day-dreaming and annoying authors. Sorry if I annoyed you. I'm a fan, obsessing about my new favourite obsession. ^-^
CA
schedule
January 30, 2007 at 12:00 AM
Aaaah. My favorite author strikes again.
I don't think this plot is cliche at all. I like it. Right now, I'm under the assumption Luke is a masochist, right? Or that he's attoning for his fathers sins. Can't wait till chap. 3!
I don't think this plot is cliche at all. I like it. Right now, I'm under the assumption Luke is a masochist, right? Or that he's attoning for his fathers sins. Can't wait till chap. 3!
schedule
January 29, 2007 at 12:00 AM
one of the most original ways of meeting I ever heard of, not to mention one of worst and so why did it seem sorta cute?
Milo beats up Luke, heals him with peas and aspirin and I find that good chemistry?
Yup. I did. The way you wrote it.
I will definitely read more of this if you write more, it's interesting. Slighty funny even though it shouldn't be, but you did it somehow.
Thanks.
Milo beats up Luke, heals him with peas and aspirin and I find that good chemistry?
Yup. I did. The way you wrote it.
I will definitely read more of this if you write more, it's interesting. Slighty funny even though it shouldn't be, but you did it somehow.
Thanks.
schedule
January 29, 2007 at 12:00 AM
I like it, a very good beginning! Thanx!
schedule
January 29, 2007 at 12:00 AM
like it. definitly.
can sympathize with the drug addict siblings.
first hand experience you know?
anyways update:)
really like your stories.
can sympathize with the drug addict siblings.
first hand experience you know?
anyways update:)
really like your stories.
schedule
January 29, 2007 at 12:00 AM
Keep updating, I'll sure keep reading. ^-^
Interesting plot, cliché or not. And I already like Milo and Luke (not that it's hard, or even surprising, because I love all of your characters). Very intense moment when Milo snapped. You protrayed his emotions in a understandable way; at least, I was totally pulled in, which made it kind of frightening. Which is good. Makes the reader understand Luke better. ^-^
BTW, have you ever considered getting your stories published? Clichéd plot or not, I'd pay for reading more about your wonderful characters (though I'm very happy that I don't have to pay ^_^).
Well, a new chapter and a new story - that was a very nice birthday present. *smiles happily*
Interesting plot, cliché or not. And I already like Milo and Luke (not that it's hard, or even surprising, because I love all of your characters). Very intense moment when Milo snapped. You protrayed his emotions in a understandable way; at least, I was totally pulled in, which made it kind of frightening. Which is good. Makes the reader understand Luke better. ^-^
BTW, have you ever considered getting your stories published? Clichéd plot or not, I'd pay for reading more about your wonderful characters (though I'm very happy that I don't have to pay ^_^).
Well, a new chapter and a new story - that was a very nice birthday present. *smiles happily*
schedule
January 29, 2007 at 12:00 AM
I don't find it cliche at all ^^ Very well written and I would love to read more.