schedule
February 13, 2007 at 12:00 AM
Oh my gosh I have waited forever for a new ch. I almost thought that you had discontinued the story for a whiel there. i love it and this ch was definitely worth the wait. Poor guy, the lengths he would go to to protect the love of his life. I wonder how he would feel if he realized Daylith didn't need protecting?
schedule
February 12, 2007 at 12:00 AM
Mitts
No, you haven't lost me...as if you could! lol... I've been checking almost every day to see whether or not you'd updated...I thought for a moment that you had given up...So glad to see that's not the case!
And I have to say, I'm really really impressed with this chapter! I love the way its developing...It's becoming a much stronger story now, as if your confidence is building with it the more you write!
And I particulary like the phrasing you're doing...such as....
As confident as I sounded on the phone, it was killing me to hang up. It was like holding happiness in your hand and being forced to put it away to pay attention to misery.
And also....
“I- I don’t know what to do.” I weakly said to myself while sliding down to sit on the shower floor. I rubbed my eyes to clear my vision, and watched as the water swirled down the drain, wishing that it could have carried my troubles with it.
Just those two phrases alone show the utter conflict and misery poor Timmy is struggling with inside himself. The fear he has of Marcus...the devotion he has for Daylith, even if he isn't sure where their relationship is at...the utter realization of what he has just done...
Yes, definately my favorite chapter so far, with the excellent way it's written...
And ohhhhh...I would be honoured if you would draw me a sexy yaoi picture of Cloud and Sephiroth...And if it's anywhere near as good as the one's you have on your art page, then I will be in Heavenl lol...That would be magic! Oh, I can't even believe you offered...Thank you!!!!
Oh and...could I ask you a personal question? Of course, you don't have to answer it, but...Why did you call yourself mmm-Mittens? I do have a reason for asking, honest!...
No, you haven't lost me...as if you could! lol... I've been checking almost every day to see whether or not you'd updated...I thought for a moment that you had given up...So glad to see that's not the case!
And I have to say, I'm really really impressed with this chapter! I love the way its developing...It's becoming a much stronger story now, as if your confidence is building with it the more you write!
And I particulary like the phrasing you're doing...such as....
As confident as I sounded on the phone, it was killing me to hang up. It was like holding happiness in your hand and being forced to put it away to pay attention to misery.
And also....
“I- I don’t know what to do.” I weakly said to myself while sliding down to sit on the shower floor. I rubbed my eyes to clear my vision, and watched as the water swirled down the drain, wishing that it could have carried my troubles with it.
Just those two phrases alone show the utter conflict and misery poor Timmy is struggling with inside himself. The fear he has of Marcus...the devotion he has for Daylith, even if he isn't sure where their relationship is at...the utter realization of what he has just done...
Yes, definately my favorite chapter so far, with the excellent way it's written...
And ohhhhh...I would be honoured if you would draw me a sexy yaoi picture of Cloud and Sephiroth...And if it's anywhere near as good as the one's you have on your art page, then I will be in Heavenl lol...That would be magic! Oh, I can't even believe you offered...Thank you!!!!
Oh and...could I ask you a personal question? Of course, you don't have to answer it, but...Why did you call yourself mmm-Mittens? I do have a reason for asking, honest!...
schedule
February 11, 2007 at 12:00 AM
hey ya gotta UPDATE!!!!
please!!!!
please!!!!
schedule
January 18, 2007 at 12:00 AM
Mitts
Oh wow...what can I say? I'm really impressed...Not only a writer, but an artist too! And a very good artist at that..That is just so unfair...lol
Have you ever done any Sephiroth/Cloud yaoi drawings?...That is one of my weak spots, lol
Anyway..back to your story...
Is Timmy really going to give into Marcus' blackmail?...We all know what Marcus wants..And will Timmy tell Daylith when he gets back, or will he just suffer in silence? And how will it affect their growing relationship?
One thing I will point out...
'His eyes were difficult to look into....they could see right through you, WHICH made you want to turn away'
I am really loving this story...keep up the good work...
Oh wow...what can I say? I'm really impressed...Not only a writer, but an artist too! And a very good artist at that..That is just so unfair...lol
Have you ever done any Sephiroth/Cloud yaoi drawings?...That is one of my weak spots, lol
Anyway..back to your story...
Is Timmy really going to give into Marcus' blackmail?...We all know what Marcus wants..And will Timmy tell Daylith when he gets back, or will he just suffer in silence? And how will it affect their growing relationship?
One thing I will point out...
'His eyes were difficult to look into....they could see right through you, WHICH made you want to turn away'
I am really loving this story...keep up the good work...
schedule
January 17, 2007 at 12:00 AM
hey this is chelsey
i liked the chap, if it was only longer
i have been checking ten times a day to see if you have updated lol
i am worried for timmy whats gonna happen!?
i liked the chap, if it was only longer
i have been checking ten times a day to see if you have updated lol
i am worried for timmy whats gonna happen!?
schedule
January 17, 2007 at 12:00 AM
Mitts
So, Timmy has been left alone for four days in Dayliths house...Four days, for Marcus to exact revenge..
I wonder what Daylith will come home to!
Seems like it's building up nicely to the next chapter...and I like that it's getting a little darker..
But I'm also wondering where Timmy and Dayliths relationship is going...I mean, besides that one time they 'touched'....Nothing! No kisses, no teasing....It's almost as if it never happened...
Still a good story though, and still looking forward to seeing how you progress with it!
So, Timmy has been left alone for four days in Dayliths house...Four days, for Marcus to exact revenge..
I wonder what Daylith will come home to!
Seems like it's building up nicely to the next chapter...and I like that it's getting a little darker..
But I'm also wondering where Timmy and Dayliths relationship is going...I mean, besides that one time they 'touched'....Nothing! No kisses, no teasing....It's almost as if it never happened...
Still a good story though, and still looking forward to seeing how you progress with it!
schedule
January 14, 2007 at 12:00 AM
that was awesome!!!
poor timmy lol but i love feeling bad for him
i love how daylith got revenge !!
poor timmy lol but i love feeling bad for him
i love how daylith got revenge !!
schedule
January 13, 2007 at 12:00 AM
Hey...I always say a good story is worth reviewing lol...And I'm only too pleased to help out! I'm glad I've motivated you in keeping on going...I know only too well how 'lonely' it can sometimes seem, when no-one bothers to review. Even if they just left a simple 'yeah, good story'....That would be enough!
Ok....Now to your latest chapter.
Ohhhhhhh, it's starting to become dark! How dare Marcus rape Timmy and think he could get away with it? Although...I'm not too sure I like how Daylith handled it. You've revealed a nasty side of his character...But, having said that...I can understand fully his need for revenge. So, it'll be interesting to see what develops in the next chapter..what Marcus's reaction will be to him having hit his sister...He should think himself lucky that Daylith didn't rape her!
One mistake though...
In 'Timmys' section....Timmy thinks to himself...'What does he want? Did-did Daylith tell him about last night?'
I think you should change the word 'last'....because, they didn't DO anything the night before...it was the night BEFORE that, that Daylith gave Timmy a blow-job...Perhaps you could change it to...'Did Daylith tell him about the other night?'
Oh, and again, there's some 'your/you're' that need fixing in this chapter...
Hope you had a great mini-holiday...Look forward to reading your next chapter on Monday!
Ok....Now to your latest chapter.
Ohhhhhhh, it's starting to become dark! How dare Marcus rape Timmy and think he could get away with it? Although...I'm not too sure I like how Daylith handled it. You've revealed a nasty side of his character...But, having said that...I can understand fully his need for revenge. So, it'll be interesting to see what develops in the next chapter..what Marcus's reaction will be to him having hit his sister...He should think himself lucky that Daylith didn't rape her!
One mistake though...
In 'Timmys' section....Timmy thinks to himself...'What does he want? Did-did Daylith tell him about last night?'
I think you should change the word 'last'....because, they didn't DO anything the night before...it was the night BEFORE that, that Daylith gave Timmy a blow-job...Perhaps you could change it to...'Did Daylith tell him about the other night?'
Oh, and again, there's some 'your/you're' that need fixing in this chapter...
Hope you had a great mini-holiday...Look forward to reading your next chapter on Monday!
schedule
January 12, 2007 at 12:00 AM
Ohhhhh..Daylith is kinda.....considerate! I was quite surprised, (and rather pleased..)at how he managed to refrain from ravishing Timmy, taking himself 'in-hand' as it were, after bringing Timmy to climax in what was obviously his very first blow-job! Nicely done...But how long will Daylith be able to keep up his restraint?
The only 'bad ?' thing I will say, is....In 'Timmys POV' section...
You used the word 'lied' twice...(Lied...as in, to tell a lie, to fib..)
May I suggust you change it for 'lay'? 'I LAY there for a few more minutes....' and 'instead, I just LAY there..'
The other word you used wrongly was 'your'....it should be..
'That's why YOU'RE laying here, covered in jizz...' and 'Nah, YOU'RE staying right here with me...'
Okay, now this is not a flaming, neither is it criticism....it just me trying to help a little....but if you'd rather I didn't, just say so in your next chapter...and I promise I won't do it again!
The only 'bad ?' thing I will say, is....In 'Timmys POV' section...
You used the word 'lied' twice...(Lied...as in, to tell a lie, to fib..)
May I suggust you change it for 'lay'? 'I LAY there for a few more minutes....' and 'instead, I just LAY there..'
The other word you used wrongly was 'your'....it should be..
'That's why YOU'RE laying here, covered in jizz...' and 'Nah, YOU'RE staying right here with me...'
Okay, now this is not a flaming, neither is it criticism....it just me trying to help a little....but if you'd rather I didn't, just say so in your next chapter...and I promise I won't do it again!
schedule
January 10, 2007 at 12:00 AM
HE PEEKED!!! Daylith peeked at Timmy while he was unconcious! Love it...lol...
Mmmmmmmmmm...I have to agree with Timmy. I think Daylith lied too, about saying he would choose Timmy over the girl...like Timmy reasoned, if that was so, why did Daylith skip class to be with her?
Mmmmmmm...unless it was because Daylith thought Timmy would never want him?....Ahhh, now I don't know which one to believe...lol..
Mmmmmmmmmm...I have to agree with Timmy. I think Daylith lied too, about saying he would choose Timmy over the girl...like Timmy reasoned, if that was so, why did Daylith skip class to be with her?
Mmmmmmm...unless it was because Daylith thought Timmy would never want him?....Ahhh, now I don't know which one to believe...lol..