AFF Fiction Portal

rate_review Reviews

for I Broke Down

by eroburn

person teeta
schedule January 7, 2007 at 12:00 AM
chapter 6

So my turn to review, you kept me so long and I really wanted to write this review! Though I can't write long reviews, sigh. So ...

God I wish they could something about Mark's situation. The poor kid doesn't have a normal life, doesn't have the life he deserves. It's visible in his dreams. And how low he thinks of himself! He thinks about Joe as his new master. Not a friend, not somebody who could care about him but a master. And wants to learn new rules ... Poor kid! I know, that's exactly what he has learnt in his life - there are masters whom you should obey. It hurts if you don't. But ... I just feel so sorry for him! I like him more with every chapter. I do hope Joe will teach him there is compassion in life and friendship and love. Anderoallmightydonthurthimtoomuchpleasethatsallimaskingfor!

And no, you were wrong. Bad ero, really bad. I did like the chappie!

And I'm taking the pizza!
person alexa87
schedule January 7, 2007 at 12:00 AM
Wow his story is great. It makes me laugh from time to time (I mean Mark is a funny kid).
Updaesoon. ;)
person Bonny B
schedule January 6, 2007 at 12:00 AM
I hope that dream wasn't a forshadowing of what's going to happen. Adonis is like Joe and if he kills Mark in the end, to stop his pain...that's just too sad!
person Kaay-chan
schedule January 6, 2007 at 12:00 AM
That was really good. I can't wait to read what happens next. Update soon! Please!
person Saundy
schedule January 6, 2007 at 12:00 AM
AWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWW!!!!!!!!! i luv this fic!!!!!!!!
person Boony B
schedule January 6, 2007 at 12:00 AM
Poor Mark. I`m all for Joe saving him but that was kind of a scary rescue. He thinks Joe`s going to hurt him! You`re writing is really great and I can`t wait for the next chapter. ^-^
person Mew
schedule January 6, 2007 at 12:00 AM
Aww. It's cute :], haha they need to find out that he isn't like 12 or something soon :P. love it. <3
person SODA
schedule January 6, 2007 at 12:00 AM
You always offer things I dont like! I dont like ice cream! Its gross! Yeah, im probably the only person who dosent. I guess Im so un-American, lol. Im so glad you upfated its not even funny! You just made my day, twice! I officially REALLY heart you!!! Your amazing! Great chapter, update soon please!!!!!
person teeta
schedule January 6, 2007 at 12:00 AM
Chapter 5

Well, you kinda already know what I think about this chapter but a review is a review! So I'm going to review.

Pouncing the plate by Mark and the immense urge to pounce Mark by Joe made me squeal like a fan girl. Imagine that ... me, squealing ... and when Joe tells about this prison thingie - HAHAHAHA!!! I was rolling on the floor! But there were some other things, serious things that made me go all "awww". LIke the talk between Joe and his mom. It looks like "Adonis" didn't have too peachy himself. And I wonder about those cameras all over Mark's house. BTW, his house does sound like a prison ...

Seriously LOVED it. No other word fits here. LOVED with all my heart. Can't wait to read more!

your fan,
teeta
person Nyteowl
schedule January 6, 2007 at 12:00 AM
Certainly interesting, but there seem to be no transitions. There are noticeable mispellings or grammar errors.

The biggest problem is how choppy each sentence is and how emotional they all seem to be.

Otherwise I like the concept and the story is certainly interesting. Despite the problems I will stay updated witht his story.