rate_review Reviews

Good story.
Waiting for update...

I love how you've started this and feel the tension between the girls. Though I do notice at certain points the chapter does give that 'all men are disgusting' vibe, sorta comes out of nowhere and as quickly vanishes. Love the chapter though and going to read the rest.

I like how you portray the innocence of Rennie throughout the story. She seems so fragile and indeed ignorant to all aspects of teenage life, even things teens far younger than her would find commonplace. Her hesitation with Melina was realistic especially in her surrender in the heat of her first orgasm. I really like how it came across and the fact that Melina is honestly showing Rennie affection. However again, my only issue is the anti male vibe going on. I understand that they are engaging in a lesbian relationship, but some of Rennie's thoughts, and narration almost makes it seem like even though her complete inexperience with boys she just sees them assholes who have nothing but their priorities and satisfaction on their minds.

Okay the parents were just over the top. It really didn't seem believable the way they just jumped on her, and even saying she dresses dykish. Now I know there are some parents like that, but even so it takes away from the story in the mounting drama in her life, and her parents are just SO homophobic and just assuming that's she's supposed to have a boyfriend at that age and if not there's something wrong with her?

Other than that bit I liked the chapter especially Milena's conversation about purity.

I feel a little bad for Hannah in her situation, but she's a real bitch sometimes. But Melina really screws Rennie around as well. Rennie just can't seem to win, but at least she's making a progressive step toward what she wants.

To be perfectly honest, I have to wonder why you portrayed her sex as such an ugly thing, especially in the fact it was Rennie's first time. Throughout the story the flip flops her feelings for Milena, one minute she's liking her and then she avoids Milena like the plague as does Milena which doesn't make much sense for any sort of viable relationship between the two even if it were to be based on convenience.

And another thing why does EVERYTHING either repulse or nauseate Rennie. Seriously she's nauseated by the way she feels for Milena, nauseated by Hannah's actions, nauseated before during and after her first time. Speaking of which Rennie comes off as asexual during scene due to her complete refusal and absolute disgust at something she obviously likes. Even in the expectant internal quarries with sexual discovery, Rennie is just too uptight about everything, and is just burying herself in her school work.

I'm not flaming you I do like the story but it has a few issues, and yes I know this is your first time in writing a sex scene, but still Rennie seriously comes off as asexual, even though no one's first time is perfect, and yes she was practically blackmailed into it BUT the point of the story is that Rennie obviously has feelings for Melina, and considering they already shared an intimate act, Rennie shouldn't be so disgusted. I'll keep reading though. Sorry for the long review.

awsome story when are going to update i so want to know what happens

I feel for Rennie, the poor girl has to deal with so much. A secret lover who takes advantage of her, a best friend who just seems to want to rant to her like she has no feelings, and on top of this, a boyfriend that's probably going to stick to her like glue. This is so going to ugly soon. I can't wait.

Interesting. Aside from a few typos we're all guilty of, I enjoyed the first chapter. I like that whole 'sneak-away, use her, emotional vacancy' angle. Considering how often it happens I'm surprised I don't see more of that dynamic in Femslash fiction. So I'm curious to see how this story pans out from here.

Thus Spoke Kaiser

Nice. Good chapter. I get a good sense of Rennie's confusion and insecurity. I also like the characterization of Melina. She comes off as manipulative and cunning in the way that she can handle Rennie's insecurities. It might have been a good idea to split present-day narrative and flashback narrative though, with perhaps maybe a line of bullet points or hyphens or something. Beyond that I can't complain.

Thus Spoke Kaiser