rate_review Reviews

Hello there, started off as a very interesting story. It's still young, so I'll see how it'll keep up. :)

I do have some thoughts on it though. After your initial introduction of the characters, the story telling turned into a "He, She, he, she he, him..." You may want to work on that some. :)

Next, the pacing of the story, though no doubt is intriguing to readers, to a writer who reads your work, it seems to "flash" before one's eyes. You breeze by scenery and character introduction to get into the action. Though for part time readers it may appear to be okay, for me it seems somewhat lazy on your part as an author.

Scenery and painting a picture with your words, the world around your character is JUST as important as the characters themselves. I think you have the antoginistic aura of your vampire "hero" down. He made me want to smack him. :P

But I think you'd make me enamored with your story if you would take your time to tell the tale at a decent and steady pace. :)

I hope this helps some and does not offend you, I just wish to see people's work become as good as it can be. :) Hopefully some of the tips I've written out can help some. Feel free to e-mail me should you want to discuss any of this further. :)

Adara G.

please continue the story. its very well writen and gets you wanting more in just a few paragraphs

Now there is no way you can go on living without updating this story! Not a threat, just saying!!! i am a fan of vamps and this is a good story about vamps put two and two together and update woman!!

Please, continue as soon as possible!

I like it so far, keep it up =D! I look forward to the next chapter ^_^.

eh ! very good story... wait for the next chapter