schedule
April 7, 2007 at 12:00 AM
R,
Again, impressive! ...and hot. So, okay. You asked for honest criticism so here goes...I had a little confusion over the timeline of the meal. I read it three times and think that you were cleaning up from the meal??? Not really sure. It read (to me anyway) as though the broccoli was being served after the plates were being cleaned. This did not detract from the sweet sadness of the love scene however. The only bit I found jarring there was the word "sack" which seemed coarse compared to the rest of the scene. Maybe that's just me though. I really do enjoy your writing and can't wait to read more!!!
T
Again, impressive! ...and hot. So, okay. You asked for honest criticism so here goes...I had a little confusion over the timeline of the meal. I read it three times and think that you were cleaning up from the meal??? Not really sure. It read (to me anyway) as though the broccoli was being served after the plates were being cleaned. This did not detract from the sweet sadness of the love scene however. The only bit I found jarring there was the word "sack" which seemed coarse compared to the rest of the scene. Maybe that's just me though. I really do enjoy your writing and can't wait to read more!!!
T
schedule
November 27, 2006 at 12:00 AM
nicely done :)
schedule
November 22, 2006 at 12:00 AM
that was really good. hopefully you're other stories can top this!