rate_review Reviews

Ooo, the plot thickens..... I think we're up for another heart to heart, aren't we?

"Excuse me," I say. "I think the monkey wants to die." - That was great ^^

As soon as you mentioned those ice blue eyes I knew that monkey was Naeven. ^^

"BTW, the 'darkness' shows me more clearly Lark's terror about a sexual encounter. I hadn't gotten that from Book One."

I think DrkDreamer may have a point there, and I sort of like it.

Chapter 5 - Oh my. A Naeven Monkey. I want one of those for Christmas. What did I ever do without your story? I, honestly, can't remember.

Oh I love all the detail you put into your story. It always seems to come alive. But dammit, why does reading your chapters always go so quick? I can't wait until you are published, then I read it to my hearts content, lol...

The story is definitely darker. But I was glad to see Lark recover a bit of his humor when he finally realized the monkey was Sactaren. And Naeven asking if he wants his kiss back.

The story is still amazing and your writing is excellent. One thing I do not like is Lark throwing around the cuss words, but I suppose it demonstrates his growing boldness and confidence.

You still have me craving more. Really want to see Lark and the monkey deal with the fish hook. All sorts of interesting possibilities exist.

BTW, the 'darkness' shows me more clearly Lark's terror about a sexual encounter. I hadn't gotten that from Book One. (May just mean I was dense.)

Avid reader, and before you read more, know that I honestly consider Once a Slave (the original, as yet) to be one of the *best* works I have ever read. Just adding my two cents.

For the first time reading this series, I actually felt a bit miffed at the end of a chapter. I realize that this is supposed to be after a book where there have been a number of changes, but the first time I read this chapter in its original format I found it to be about as close to truly romantic as Sacteran (sp?) and Lark ever get (aside from the strawberry scenes, which I honestly consider hotter than most sex scenes I've read). Personally, I took the original to be Sactaren giving Lark a sign that he, in fact, can trust him, and that he's not as heartless or untrustworthy as Lark suspects him to be. Lark, in turn, has a surge of emotion and gives him a much better kiss and it's only as Lark's leaving that he hears something that actually makes him question Sactaren's motives. I don't know how much of this scene was added to the new scene that you mentioned was the end of the previous book, but what happens here seems almost entirely out of place for both characters. If Sactaren is truly as shrewd and calculating as he's supposed to be, then he should never actually have to "force" Lark to agree to be his apprentice (or whatever) as he did in Chapter 4. I mean, Lark already works beside him every night in the workshop and is willing enough to help out in spells, and more, asks enough questions that he should be able to pick up more and more bits of magic as time passes. To force Lark to agree to training, rather that tempt him to it (which seems more appropriate, no? I mean, it's heavily emphasized that Sactaren's powers rely heavily on lying and seduction) seems so incongruous with a lot of what Sactaren is trying to accomplish, much less going about it in usch a way. Basic logic for someone in love, if indeed Sactaren is in love with Lark, should equate to "One: Pet is injured. Two: Said pet is loved by target. Three: If said pet were to be saved, target will be grateful. Four: I can save said pet. Therefore: I save pet, I score big points in target's books." Sactaren's seduction aside, he shifts attitudes a few too many times for the length of the chapter. I'm not saying this as though it's too hard to follow or anything, but he switches from caring to ice cold, then ice cold to caring, and back to ice cold, yet there's nothing profound enough to warrent this. His changes are almost arbitrary.

As for Lark in this chapter... it too seems so out of place. Perhaps it is only because of Sactaren being equally disjointed, perhaps it is beacuse you've made changes that I could only see by reading he published version, but I found it, well, distasteful. Lark is supposed to be afraid of showing his emotion, right, afraid of stepping above being a slave since he's been beaten down for so long, so much so that he won't even allow himself to consider being in love (if I'm mistaken here at any point, please correct me). If this is the case, then why is it he's comepletely willing to lash out in violence all the time? He essentially gains his freedom and the first thing he does is start confrontations and fights? I understand about not letting people walk all over him, but this is the same guy who tried to save the villagers from Sactaren's wrath, and apparently was too afraid to tell Sactaren about Beloth's (sp? The forest mage) curse. Moreso, Sactaren is about the *ONLY* character who listens to Lark's opinion, who doesn't lie, who doesn't force Lark to do much, if anything. Schaff lies to his face, insults him all the time, tricks him into doing dumb things and essentially does all the "walking all over" that Lark seems to be fed up with, yet Lark never does a thing the the smarmy bastard (well he shoves him ineffectively off the counter once. Overall though, there's a significant lack of retribution). Tam certainally walks all over him, as well as that horney sailor guy and even Rayne dominates in their conversations. To make Lark confrontational now, and with Sactaren to begin with, is just something I cannot understand. Lark also brings up the defense that he's a slave, and Sactaren is his master, and (while maybe you meant this ironically) oversteps those same bounds by challanging his master about what he wants to do with him.

Forgot this last part :P

Overall, I thought this chapter was a disappointment considering the rest of the series and everything else you've written about these two. It just seemed to deviate too far from the original line, but then maybe it's just me. And, once again, I review because I care.

Oh, this chapter was so good! I almost thought for a minute that you'd left out the kiss that Lark gave back...but you didn't, lol. I would have been so disappointed if you had!
And wasn't Lark worried that Tam might see them both kissing? Perhaps he was just lost in the moment, lol.
Oh, and you added a little extra! Lark asked Sactaren to take him to the shark festival! Will Sactaren agree?...I hope so!
And just why did Sactaren turn cold right at the end? Was it because he felt Lark only kissed him as payment?
I still think those two need to have their heads bashed together, lol...

The story has become very dark. Lark has lost his sense of humor.

Did you re-work the book to make it all like this?

Don't get me wrong - still enjoy the story and your writing. It just seems like the backdrop has has changed.