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January 17, 2007 at 12:00 AM
i don't think it's too rash or too random- i think the story needs climaxes (ha, no pun) such as these to make the ending feel more resolved, whatever the ending will be; i know some of the general feeling from before was that there was conflict and an abundance of tension, but nothing progressed very far at that specific point in the plot. i feel like this "fight" was really good because lark was able to lose it without being overpowered, without feeling scared out of his wits, and without, in the end, high-tailing it out and everything simmering down to its normal level of tension and restraint. and you also have a deeper insight into schaff's perspective- everyone knows he's pined for sactaren, but he's so caustic and sarcastic that the situation wasn't so blatant in its sincerity until this point, at least in my view. and i thought it was interesting and almost sweet how nice he was to lark after... "the fight." ;)
i really like everything that scene brings into the story, so if i was the one who had any say, i would keep it in. :)
i really like everything that scene brings into the story, so if i was the one who had any say, i would keep it in. :)
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January 16, 2007 at 12:00 AM
I don't think 'the scene' is any of the things you worried about.
Mind you, I have no idea what you intended to portray - but I think it shows that Lark is still a sexual being. And that even when he's in a rage, he doesn't hurt or rape a partner.
Don't know if that will transfer to Sactaren, but it ought to make Lark think.
(And, personally, I enjoyed a bit of smut. {g})
Mind you, I have no idea what you intended to portray - but I think it shows that Lark is still a sexual being. And that even when he's in a rage, he doesn't hurt or rape a partner.
Don't know if that will transfer to Sactaren, but it ought to make Lark think.
(And, personally, I enjoyed a bit of smut. {g})
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January 10, 2007 at 12:00 AM
great as usual.
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January 10, 2007 at 12:00 AM
I love this chapter - I feel like, for the first time, I truly understand Lark's fear.
Like to see him getting close to K..., too. Maybe a beginning to accepting physical closeness again.
Like to see him getting close to K..., too. Maybe a beginning to accepting physical closeness again.
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January 10, 2007 at 12:00 AM
Chapter 11 - Lady Sactaren is a fucking bitch. Christ. I just want to slap her and I've barely seen her in the story. Anwyays, I love your story so fucking much. I know I've said that a million times but it's true. I've been thinking about why I love it so much and I think it's because the character's are so realistic and raw. And even though it's a fantasy story you can totaly imagine the settings and whatnot. Not sure if that makes sense but yeah. Can't wait till next Tuesday!
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January 3, 2007 at 12:00 AM
uh, what just happened? Why did Sactaren do that? I am confused now. And maybe a bit annoyed; I asume that you have a plan/reason for this turn of events...
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January 3, 2007 at 12:00 AM
Aw what??? Sactaren ALMOST has sex with Lark?...No fair! That is teasing going too far...lol..
Poor Lark, still being tormented with 'unclean' thoughts...It'll be interesting to see how you help him let go of his inhibitions...how he will succumb to the pleasure, that being with Sactaren, will bring him...
And Sactaren....Sometimes, I swear he drives me mad!
"What the hell do I have to do to get you to stop being afraid of me?"
Well, shouting doesn't help...neither does an 'almost' rape...lol..
Only one teeny tiny mistake that I spotted....
'It is said, that if four mages gather together, one aligned with each element, a(nd) perform a certain ritual.........' Like I said, nothing really to even bother you with...but I spotted it, so thought I'd better tell you, lol..
As always, an absolutely brilliant chapter....I just wish there were less days in the week, so your next new chapter would come around quicker!
Poor Lark, still being tormented with 'unclean' thoughts...It'll be interesting to see how you help him let go of his inhibitions...how he will succumb to the pleasure, that being with Sactaren, will bring him...
And Sactaren....Sometimes, I swear he drives me mad!
"What the hell do I have to do to get you to stop being afraid of me?"
Well, shouting doesn't help...neither does an 'almost' rape...lol..
Only one teeny tiny mistake that I spotted....
'It is said, that if four mages gather together, one aligned with each element, a(nd) perform a certain ritual.........' Like I said, nothing really to even bother you with...but I spotted it, so thought I'd better tell you, lol..
As always, an absolutely brilliant chapter....I just wish there were less days in the week, so your next new chapter would come around quicker!
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January 3, 2007 at 12:00 AM
Love the chapter - "So you think you're not afraid of me?"
Good to see Sactaren take charge again.
Good to see Sactaren take charge again.
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January 3, 2007 at 12:00 AM
Wow....best chapter so far!
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January 3, 2007 at 12:00 AM
Chapter 10 - Holy shit! This is definently my favorite chapter thus far. Oh my God. That was awesome. Hilarious and oh so fucking hot. And very in character but becoming more...independent. I suppose. Not afraid even though he is afraid. God, I'm not making any sense. How do I explain this? Okay, okay. I loved how he's saying that he's not afraid when he really is and then he ends up hitting Naeven. That's hilarious and a bit sad. I love...
"A desire we share, it seems."
I started choking with laughter. Goddamnit. Now I just want the next chapter even more. And 'getting interesting' was pretty hilarious. Oh, I don't remember that Besteth guy. Am I suppose to? Was he in the first story? The summary? I can't remember. I suppose I'll go do a bit of checking.
"A desire we share, it seems."
I started choking with laughter. Goddamnit. Now I just want the next chapter even more. And 'getting interesting' was pretty hilarious. Oh, I don't remember that Besteth guy. Am I suppose to? Was he in the first story? The summary? I can't remember. I suppose I'll go do a bit of checking.