rate_review Reviews

Hi, I’ve been following your story for a while now and haven’t yet reviewed. It was actually KeairaxSeiaa’s review that prompted me to finally get off my ass and say a few words. First let me just say what everyone else has been saying, this story is amazing. The characters are so well written I feel like they are members of my own family.

I do however agree with Kearax’s remark that the tension between Shaun and Uri is a bit too drawn out- at least insofar as what one would expect for slash fiction posted serially on the Internet. In real life however, this kind of sexual attraction and denial might go on for years and never get resolved. So in that regard I don’t really have a problem with the tension being drawn out. But I understand Kearax’s point completely.

I am thinking you could actually end your story the way Uri has been hoping it will end all along; with Uri (and/or Shaun) finding a more suitable sexual attraction that will finally shift the attention away from the brother. But by now you’ve got mobs of readers, who would if they could get to them, rip the clothing off both Shaun and Uri and force them into bed together. J

I for one wouldn’t mind seeing a little in the way of a distraction next time Uri decides he can ‘hang out’ with Rane. I have a feeling Rane wants more from his relationship with Uri than a convenient excuse to ditch Sandy.

OMG! That was . . . so . . HOT!!! Geez. *PANT, PANT* I am still catching my breath from this chapter. I really wish we could see that from Shawn's POV. I am so glad that you have been updating so quickly. Believe me it is definitely appreciated. It pretty much makes my day whenever I see that you have updated the story. I love drawing out the angst and the UST, but man you are a master at it. I hope that Rane doesn't get hurt when Shawn and Uri get together. (And they had better get together or there will be major repercussions :) I love them together so much. I just wish I could hear what Shawn is thinking. You know he has got dirty things going on in that pretty head of his. And am I right in thinking there is some kind of mystery about Uri and Shawn's relationship? It seemed like that, more so in the early chapters. Anyways, thanks for the super-fast update, and I hope that your muse is kind and allows another chapter to come quickly.

Before I review, here are some tips for you in CHAPTER 6!

… he's not going to look like Hell Angel as long as… - this should be “…he’s not going to look like one of Hell’s Angel as long as… or else it may not make much sense. ^_^

After all it's his eighteenth birthday... – this should have a comma – “After all, it’s his…”

Just as I said, they suspect that I date Mary. – it should be - Just as I said, they’re suspecting me for dating Mary.

could I first go upstairs and change my clothes? Those are not really comfy, - he’s saying it like he’s not wearing them. So he should say “These aren’t really comfy” I used some conjunctions to make his speech seem more natural.

during the dinner (right after the dad-on-stairs incident) you can use during ‘the’ dinner, but it sounds awkward. You can also just say ‘during dinner’, which is more natural.

join forces with him but that's – there should be a comma – …join forces with him, but that’s…

I know him this much and so does mom. – you can try – I know this as much as my mom does.

The jittery felling comes – oops, a typo. I think you meant – The jittery ‘feeling’ comes (I always type fell instead of feel too, for some unknown reason).

Okay, I love brother-incest. I wish I had more time to read more of your story, for I really want to see Shawn and Uriel get together. X 3 I have these images of what Uriel looks like and he ish very Uke! Mwuahaha! and Shawn reminds me of some guy from Samurai Champloo named Jin…except Shawn hasn’t any glasses. I am so excited to see the next chapter! sorry if you get like three emails...just my reviews kept being posted unfinished for some reason... anyways! I adore your story!

I've read this twice this weekend, and I just had to congratulate you again. Fantastic. I'd read it for a third time, but oh wait, there's that historiography paper that I'm supposed to do. Just letting you know, I am now emotionally invested in these characters (Shawn and Uri) if they die, or don't live happily ever after, I will be affected.

Ok I haven't actually come anywhere near the middle of this chapter, but I felt the need to tell you how HORRIBLE (in a good way) you are for making me squirm this much. I know it sounds silly but I'm basically covering my face and split between wanting to continue reading and wanting to just hide Uri in a box and never let him out again because he is just so not helping his situation in any way.

*takes a deep breath* Let's try read some more...

*5ish minutes later*
YOU ARE KILLING ME!!!!! SERIOUSLY!!! Silly, silly Uri!
*2 min later*
Damn it Uri, just forget the damn boxers and sleep! I swear that boy wants me to make a hole in my chair.
*later yet*
OMG LOL Shawn and the eggs! That was wayyy too funny. Now I understand the "don't drink" warning.

And aww the ending... for god's sake update as soon as you can. Somehow I doubt this will get very far at all between the boys but one can always hope.

Ohhhh my dear. O.O That was the BEST chapter yet.

I know I guessed something a little like this might happen, but it was a very good thing you put that warning at the top. Otherwise there would be drink sprayed all over my monitor.

I was a little suspicious when things got smutty right off the bat, but then I was like, "They're actually in the kitchen and everything... is this real? Is this real???" And then it turned out to be a daydream and oh my goodness, poor Uri. Does the oblivious gene run in their family, because I can't believe Shawn couldn't figure that out! XD

Would you look at Uri, though. Mr. I-hate-cursing has certainly gotten worse about restricting his vocabulary! It really amuses me how much he curses in this chapter.

And Uri totally finds it normal that Shawn wants to strip him? Twice in one day? Heh.

This whole day has had to be like a senses overload for Uri. And now he's in Shawn's bed. Oho, I wonder what will happen next chapter... I can hardly wait to find out!

I'm a little surprised that Rane didn't stop by or call or anything. If my significant other did that to me when I'd been out sick, I'd be a little miffed at them. But on the plus side, it did give us a WHOLE Shawn/Uri chapter, which I'm fairly sure many people have been craving; and a REALLY, REALLY good one at that!

When you read stories did you ever pray :
"Oh My sweet God, please, let it NOT be a dream! Pretty Please!!!!! I'll be a good girl and do all my homework and stuff, but please hear my prayer!!!"
And the,...it is a dream, and here I am with a massive nose bleed and a confused mind. I desperately want to know where Shawn is goig to sleep, because if he sleeps next to Uri I'll go crasy with joy and desire and lust and want and OMG, that would be so good, but I have a bad feeling he will go back to the studie, and sleep on the sofa. Or something like that. And my roommate is also had a nosebleed fromy Uri's daydream and his segond orgasm with :
"Uri come..."
Was a great job! Thank you for the chapter and hope you update soon.

Hugs both you and your muse:edevis

P.S: I hope your muse will be in a good mood.Because I really want to know the end of that sentence.

-Blushes- Oh....my......-Blushes brighter- I was not expecting that succulent scene and I must admit.....I almost fantasied myself. I know I shouldn't do that, it was a naughty thought of mine and I apologize for thinking such wonderfu....no...I mean....such bad thoughts. -Blushes once more- This entire chapter was relitavely mind-blowingly delicious and full of wonder at the end. I love the part where he says, "Good...because I love you too," That was perfect. And the whole orgasm! ^_^ -shyly covers his face- that would be something that I would do. Try not to make any sounds but you just can't seem to help it. Fainted.....Shawn thought that he fainted? -lets out a small sound- Adorable, I simply have fallen for Shawn. ^_^ Oh...and at the end? He placed Uri on HIS own bed? -makes a curious face- I wonder what he's going to do? Will Uri stay down there with him? Will he free a little of his lusty hunger for Shawn? Will Shawn finally make some sort of obvious move? I look forward to another of your enticing chapters (On a side note, everytime I log onto AFF I must confess that I enthusiastically look for your updates, I hope that that is not too eccentric of me, if it is, I apologize in advance) ^_^

Dayakara~

This story intrigues me. I had trouble reading at first and then as it went on I got hooked and every time I come back I always just want to know what happens next. Uri def has some issues but like all people he's making them more complicated then they have to be, lol. My fav character is Rane though. If I wasn't cheering for Uri and shawn to be together then I'd def want Rane to be with Uri. Even though I have my doubts about him like he is hiding more then he's telling I can't wait to find out more about him. The story all together is fantastic, your writing skills are def awesome and you always leave me wanting more which is how it should be. Ahhh Well I think I've talked entirely too much alredy. Please Keep up the good work and I hope you update soon. Peace ^_^ Oh and pictures would be awesome... just to throw that out there... lol

Ha ha, my eyes were like saucers from the beginning of this chapter (though that partly could have been my current sugar high which has me nearly bouncing out of my seat). I was thinking the whole time, "He's dreaming, he's dreaming, he must be dreaming!" And of course, sadly enough, he was...LOL, when I got to the part where he finally opened his eyes, I giggled for like two minutes straight. Too bad! ;o)

And when he came mere inches from his brother...Oh my gosh, I almost fell out of my seat laughing! :oP Hee hee hee, I love the hormones and erections! Sorry Uri, you've been outvoted! :oD And, LOL, as much a fan of cleanliness as I am, I said, "Aw, darn!" when Uri washed his boxers. :oP I guess I really do enjoy Uri's being tortured. Poor thing. :oD

Wow, finished reading the chapter. Ooooh, exciting! I can't wait for what happens next, even if it's just sleeping in the same bed together. Yep, that was faster! :oD That could also have to do with all the cookies I ate. *rubs tummy with satisfaction* Man, there should totally be a cookie diet! Anyway, that was a totally awesome chapter, as usual, and I can't wait to see more!