schedule
August 26, 2007 at 12:00 AM
*Switches off butterfly detecting device*
I’m indecisive on how I feel about Uri’s official relationship with Rane. It still bothers me a bit that Uri doesn’t seem to be in love with Rane. It seems as if he just wants to prove something to himself. He doesn’t feel butterflies at all, and hardly ever gets remotely aroused when near (or even in the arms of) his boyfriend. And when he’s not with Rane he rarely thinks about him. It’s kind of like the thing with Nancy, it doesn’t work if you don’t really feel the butterflies. And though Uri thinks Rane is hot, and sometimes even attractive, I don’t sense butterflies. Okay, he may have felt something while kissing but that doesn’t count to me as the feelings could be chemical rather then attraction. Besides they use kisses as some sort of trade. You must kiss me because you owe me...? Kisses should be for free! Someone who wishes to kiss their boyfriend could hardly be called a pervert in my opinion, even to a 16 year old. And ok there is fluffiness and cutesiness between them, lot of it… Actually this is about as much fluff I can take… generally I prefer tension and angst. But, bottomline to me, I don’t think this relationship is working. As in my last review, being the self pronounced captain of Team Rane I must express my worry that Rane will get hurt in the end. There is too little attraction, too little chemistry. I’m not saying they need to have crazy monkey sex right now (unless they really want too :-P) but my guess is Uri doesn’t want more from Rane then friendship and comfort. Kindof what one should expect from say a ... brother? Is this guy mixing two people up here?
So Uri brought Rane to the level he’s with with Shawn. Trust, comfort, etc. He’s cozy with both. I wonder if he subconsciously would want to switch them. I mean the relationships or…. Haha now I’m almost getting confused with my own thoughts. But what I was getting at was: with Shawn, there IS chemistry. Uri has gone out of his mind just by being in the same room with him, and watching him. When he fantasizes, or has hot dreams, they are always about Shawn. In bed with Rane there is cuddling, In bed with Shawn there is… chemistry? For now Uri still doesn’t catch on what the Shawn’s story is about, even if it’s obvious. It’s not just about keeping Rane away from what he thinks should be his. He wants Uri for real and I suspect there will be a moment he will confess to his brother, eventually. Saying things like “I mean I don’t see anything bad in two people wanting to be together if that is what they WANT. Forcing is wrong,” Speculating on incest relationship... Somehow, someday Uri will get it. I guess. Although with Uri one could never be sure…
One more thing that concerns me, if Uri suffers so much from the memory of Kyle molesting him he should talk about it to someone. He told Rane and Dan that he’s fine but he is not. I mean he has panic attacks and all… If the attack on Friday made such a deep impression on him I’d even advise professional help.
Unless he is going to hurt Rane. Then I hope he dies.
Well no, I wouldn’t really want that for Shawn’s sake. I know I don’t sound like it but I really like Shawn. Somehow I’ve grown to like him even more after this chapter which is weird. I’m still Rane fan through and through though. Go Rane! Steal Uri’s heart right this instant! Make him your bit- … erm your… sweet and fateful boyfriend! There ^^
Or no wait a minute! A brilliant idea just popped into my head. I love Rane, as you know. I also like Shawn a lot. And I'm starting to like Uri lesser and lesser especially when he's so indecisive. You know... rivalery is often the beginning of attraction. Shan may give up on Uri since incest is a big nono and it could never work, their parents would go nuts and they are churchpeople so he'll think he'll go to hell... Rane may give up on Uri when he feels his love is not truly mutual and Uri can't seem to make up his mind, he may simply grow tired because Uri is dense and doesn't understand anythin... And then... *you know what I'm thiking right*
Lets say... Shawn is out at a party, getting drunk trying to forget about Uri. Rane bumps into him, drinking for the same reason. Fire burns in their eyes, each blaming the other for using Uri. Maybe there's a fight but it results in making out. Or something whatever. In the end Uri catches them in the act... I'm laughing out loud picturing that. I pictured Shawn/Rane but the other way around would work too...
Uri: My poor virgin eyes! I thought you hated each other! (*They look pretty hot though*)
Shawn: I did... but I suppose I changed my mind. (*I just figured I should finally stop chasing a dream*)
Rane: Finally I found another perv who actually WANTED to do the nasty with me. (*You played me and this is my revenge! Evil Uri*)
Ok maybe it doesn't sound so good right now but I'm sure you can make this work, LOL
On a sidenote: What I thought was going to be a quiet summer with lots of time turned out to be hectic beyond my control. I had hoped to be able to finish ‘Unconditional’ by now, but I ‘m not even half way. I’ve been working overtime like crazy and I’m completely beat and in need of my vacation. I leave next week and will be back around 23 september. Mail me your home address and I’ll send you a postcard from Hokkaido, Japan. ^^
I’m indecisive on how I feel about Uri’s official relationship with Rane. It still bothers me a bit that Uri doesn’t seem to be in love with Rane. It seems as if he just wants to prove something to himself. He doesn’t feel butterflies at all, and hardly ever gets remotely aroused when near (or even in the arms of) his boyfriend. And when he’s not with Rane he rarely thinks about him. It’s kind of like the thing with Nancy, it doesn’t work if you don’t really feel the butterflies. And though Uri thinks Rane is hot, and sometimes even attractive, I don’t sense butterflies. Okay, he may have felt something while kissing but that doesn’t count to me as the feelings could be chemical rather then attraction. Besides they use kisses as some sort of trade. You must kiss me because you owe me...? Kisses should be for free! Someone who wishes to kiss their boyfriend could hardly be called a pervert in my opinion, even to a 16 year old. And ok there is fluffiness and cutesiness between them, lot of it… Actually this is about as much fluff I can take… generally I prefer tension and angst. But, bottomline to me, I don’t think this relationship is working. As in my last review, being the self pronounced captain of Team Rane I must express my worry that Rane will get hurt in the end. There is too little attraction, too little chemistry. I’m not saying they need to have crazy monkey sex right now (unless they really want too :-P) but my guess is Uri doesn’t want more from Rane then friendship and comfort. Kindof what one should expect from say a ... brother? Is this guy mixing two people up here?
So Uri brought Rane to the level he’s with with Shawn. Trust, comfort, etc. He’s cozy with both. I wonder if he subconsciously would want to switch them. I mean the relationships or…. Haha now I’m almost getting confused with my own thoughts. But what I was getting at was: with Shawn, there IS chemistry. Uri has gone out of his mind just by being in the same room with him, and watching him. When he fantasizes, or has hot dreams, they are always about Shawn. In bed with Rane there is cuddling, In bed with Shawn there is… chemistry? For now Uri still doesn’t catch on what the Shawn’s story is about, even if it’s obvious. It’s not just about keeping Rane away from what he thinks should be his. He wants Uri for real and I suspect there will be a moment he will confess to his brother, eventually. Saying things like “I mean I don’t see anything bad in two people wanting to be together if that is what they WANT. Forcing is wrong,” Speculating on incest relationship... Somehow, someday Uri will get it. I guess. Although with Uri one could never be sure…
One more thing that concerns me, if Uri suffers so much from the memory of Kyle molesting him he should talk about it to someone. He told Rane and Dan that he’s fine but he is not. I mean he has panic attacks and all… If the attack on Friday made such a deep impression on him I’d even advise professional help.
Unless he is going to hurt Rane. Then I hope he dies.
Well no, I wouldn’t really want that for Shawn’s sake. I know I don’t sound like it but I really like Shawn. Somehow I’ve grown to like him even more after this chapter which is weird. I’m still Rane fan through and through though. Go Rane! Steal Uri’s heart right this instant! Make him your bit- … erm your… sweet and fateful boyfriend! There ^^
Or no wait a minute! A brilliant idea just popped into my head. I love Rane, as you know. I also like Shawn a lot. And I'm starting to like Uri lesser and lesser especially when he's so indecisive. You know... rivalery is often the beginning of attraction. Shan may give up on Uri since incest is a big nono and it could never work, their parents would go nuts and they are churchpeople so he'll think he'll go to hell... Rane may give up on Uri when he feels his love is not truly mutual and Uri can't seem to make up his mind, he may simply grow tired because Uri is dense and doesn't understand anythin... And then... *you know what I'm thiking right*
Lets say... Shawn is out at a party, getting drunk trying to forget about Uri. Rane bumps into him, drinking for the same reason. Fire burns in their eyes, each blaming the other for using Uri. Maybe there's a fight but it results in making out. Or something whatever. In the end Uri catches them in the act... I'm laughing out loud picturing that. I pictured Shawn/Rane but the other way around would work too...
Uri: My poor virgin eyes! I thought you hated each other! (*They look pretty hot though*)
Shawn: I did... but I suppose I changed my mind. (*I just figured I should finally stop chasing a dream*)
Rane: Finally I found another perv who actually WANTED to do the nasty with me. (*You played me and this is my revenge! Evil Uri*)
Ok maybe it doesn't sound so good right now but I'm sure you can make this work, LOL
On a sidenote: What I thought was going to be a quiet summer with lots of time turned out to be hectic beyond my control. I had hoped to be able to finish ‘Unconditional’ by now, but I ‘m not even half way. I’ve been working overtime like crazy and I’m completely beat and in need of my vacation. I leave next week and will be back around 23 september. Mail me your home address and I’ll send you a postcard from Hokkaido, Japan. ^^
schedule
August 26, 2007 at 12:00 AM
OK I am so confused right now!!!!! I thought Shawn already had his birthday? What is going on in this craziness???? I dunno, maybe I am just confused or something, or maybe he hasn't had his party yet? I have no clue, but besides that, I LOVED IT!!!!!!! I CANNOT WAIT FOR MORE!!!!!! There was kissing in this chappy so that was good! I hope that soon there shall be more smutty goodness!!!! UPDATE SOON!!!!!
schedule
August 26, 2007 at 12:00 AM
*The Captain of the Rane Team jumps in and Kicks around everyone who dares claim Rane doesn’t have a personality!*
Ok, I read some of the other reviews and found the need to share my opinion.
Honestly, there was a lot of fluff in this chapter. I think it is the aftermath of Kyle’s attack on Uri. He’s shaken and needs time to recover. I don’t think the word filler applies to original ficion. If the author decides something is worth mentioning, it is part of the story. No dispute. If you don’t have anything constructive to say, go write your own perfect story or bother someone else you fucking emo incestfreaks!
The only critique I found partly justified was that progress seems to slow a bit because Uri is slow. The tension lines are stretching wide and we hope there will be some sign that will point us to where the story will go. The only relevant question is who is Uri going to end up with? You don’t need to tell us right away but you can’t keep it dangling there forever either. Kyle got the audience distracted for a minute but it won’t work for long anymore. That said, I do think your story did change a little when you started roleplaying parts. It probably does slow down the progress too. I don’t hold anything against it and I sure as hell won’t tell you what to do, but be sure to keep this story yours. Don’t let anyone tell you what to write, and don’t feel obliged to add every joke to the actual story. You could always make more oneshots for the funnies.
So…
Maybe you could reveil a new piece of the puzzle?
Uri may start to catch on to Shawn’s feelings. Confusion, disbelief.
Uri could start to doubt his relationship with Rane. Is he really in love? Maybe he is just making himself believe he should do this.
Shawn could do something irreversible. Kiss Uri. The truth is out. What now?
The parents find out Uri is gay/has a boyfriend. Are the concerned? Do they freak? Do they call an exorcist? Do they blame shawn?
My favorte: Shawn finds out about Uri and Rane. Maybe he even catches them kissing. He is devastated and starts stalking them. Or maybe there’s an actual fight and they have to explain it to the parents.
Whatever you do, whichever way you go, don’t be discouraged by stupid reviews. Whatever you write, whatever happens next in ‘Not supposed to’ I’ll look forward to reading it.
Ok, I read some of the other reviews and found the need to share my opinion.
Honestly, there was a lot of fluff in this chapter. I think it is the aftermath of Kyle’s attack on Uri. He’s shaken and needs time to recover. I don’t think the word filler applies to original ficion. If the author decides something is worth mentioning, it is part of the story. No dispute. If you don’t have anything constructive to say, go write your own perfect story or bother someone else you fucking emo incestfreaks!
The only critique I found partly justified was that progress seems to slow a bit because Uri is slow. The tension lines are stretching wide and we hope there will be some sign that will point us to where the story will go. The only relevant question is who is Uri going to end up with? You don’t need to tell us right away but you can’t keep it dangling there forever either. Kyle got the audience distracted for a minute but it won’t work for long anymore. That said, I do think your story did change a little when you started roleplaying parts. It probably does slow down the progress too. I don’t hold anything against it and I sure as hell won’t tell you what to do, but be sure to keep this story yours. Don’t let anyone tell you what to write, and don’t feel obliged to add every joke to the actual story. You could always make more oneshots for the funnies.
So…
Maybe you could reveil a new piece of the puzzle?
Uri may start to catch on to Shawn’s feelings. Confusion, disbelief.
Uri could start to doubt his relationship with Rane. Is he really in love? Maybe he is just making himself believe he should do this.
Shawn could do something irreversible. Kiss Uri. The truth is out. What now?
The parents find out Uri is gay/has a boyfriend. Are the concerned? Do they freak? Do they call an exorcist? Do they blame shawn?
My favorte: Shawn finds out about Uri and Rane. Maybe he even catches them kissing. He is devastated and starts stalking them. Or maybe there’s an actual fight and they have to explain it to the parents.
Whatever you do, whichever way you go, don’t be discouraged by stupid reviews. Whatever you write, whatever happens next in ‘Not supposed to’ I’ll look forward to reading it.
schedule
August 26, 2007 at 12:00 AM
Does Shawn know something we don't? Oh, the suspense, and I can't wait for the party.
schedule
August 26, 2007 at 12:00 AM
Okay, I am offically seconding the idea that Yblue brought up a couple reviews ago about Shawn/Rane. Because it made me smile.
(I am aware it has about a snowball's chance in hell of happening, but I can't say I don't like that idea. Nice one Yblue).
(I am aware it has about a snowball's chance in hell of happening, but I can't say I don't like that idea. Nice one Yblue).
schedule
August 25, 2007 at 12:00 AM
This chapter was so cute. I feel so bad for Uri and his nightmares. Shawn's story is TOTALLY not influenced by real life events. The hair colours and ages should've tipped Uri off... So adorably dense!
schedule
August 25, 2007 at 12:00 AM
*waves Shawn Uri banner* been waiting soooo patiently. Now I've been reduced to begging. I really do like Rane and all, but I just want Shawn and Uri together!
schedule
August 25, 2007 at 12:00 AM
How was this a filler?? Wasn't the whole point of that story that it was actually from REAL LIFE, Rane being the crimson prince, Sawn the perv wolf, and Uri the brunette? Otherwise I don't see any point with it.
schedule
August 25, 2007 at 12:00 AM
Well, this time I think you went a little overboard... The story is growing longer and longer just because you want to build the tension and keep the reader on his toes. But it's a bit too much already.
For me, personally, every chapter is more boring than the previous one... I'm not that interrested in brunettes, wolves, Shawn stories and so on... Not in their actual form. If you have no REAL idea how the action should develope, than make it shorter ;)
Good luck, anyway :)
For me, personally, every chapter is more boring than the previous one... I'm not that interrested in brunettes, wolves, Shawn stories and so on... Not in their actual form. If you have no REAL idea how the action should develope, than make it shorter ;)
Good luck, anyway :)
schedule
August 25, 2007 at 12:00 AM
Chapter 30 --- This is wonderful and it sounds like Shawn is talking about Rane in the story. I hope these two get together soon....I just love Shawn, he's my favorite character. Thanks for the wonderful update!!!
*hugs*
Meleth
*hugs*
Meleth