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February 7, 2007 at 12:00 AM
Hello!
So you want us to guess and analyse your story? Or what did you mean when you said you hoped we/I/the reader would recognise some other things? I mean, I recognised the apparent discomfort for Shawn because every action Uri takes could easily be interpreted as disgust with Shawn and his nightly activities. After all he humped his little brother... Or the "family secret". Do the parents and grand parents know that Shawn is gay and were silent when Uri asked for Shawn's girlfriend? Or perhaps Shawn or Uri aren't real brothers? Okay, that wouldn't explain the silent when the topic changes to Shawn's social life, it was just a stray thought. There are lot of hints to other things in your story and I hope I get most of them.
But during the last and this chapter the overwhelming self loathing Uri goes through is just extremely dominant (at least in my opinion). Even if Shawn would declare his undying at this moment Uri wouldn't be able to accept it. In this profound state of embarrasment and self-hate I think Uri needs professional help. Though my opinion isn't worth a lot cause I never was in love with my brother or lusted after him.
After all, I don't intend to offense here, I just write my opinion and for my taste Uri was a little to angsty - like a professional emo kid (hope he doesn't start cutting :D). Other than that I love your story and hope you update soon.
Nathaniel
So you want us to guess and analyse your story? Or what did you mean when you said you hoped we/I/the reader would recognise some other things? I mean, I recognised the apparent discomfort for Shawn because every action Uri takes could easily be interpreted as disgust with Shawn and his nightly activities. After all he humped his little brother... Or the "family secret". Do the parents and grand parents know that Shawn is gay and were silent when Uri asked for Shawn's girlfriend? Or perhaps Shawn or Uri aren't real brothers? Okay, that wouldn't explain the silent when the topic changes to Shawn's social life, it was just a stray thought. There are lot of hints to other things in your story and I hope I get most of them.
But during the last and this chapter the overwhelming self loathing Uri goes through is just extremely dominant (at least in my opinion). Even if Shawn would declare his undying at this moment Uri wouldn't be able to accept it. In this profound state of embarrasment and self-hate I think Uri needs professional help. Though my opinion isn't worth a lot cause I never was in love with my brother or lusted after him.
After all, I don't intend to offense here, I just write my opinion and for my taste Uri was a little to angsty - like a professional emo kid (hope he doesn't start cutting :D). Other than that I love your story and hope you update soon.
Nathaniel
schedule
February 7, 2007 at 12:00 AM
OMG I LOOOOOOOOOVE this story!!!!!!! I know I haven't reviewed the last two chapters, but I AM READING I SWEAR!!!!!! GAH I can't wait for some Uri/Shawn action!!!! Shawn's SOOO SWEET to him at the end of the chapter!!!!! PLEASE PLEASE PLEASE UPDATE SOON!!!!!! I MIGHT JUST DIE IF YOU DON'T!!!!!!! DON'T BE A MURDERER!!!!!! hee hee
schedule
February 6, 2007 at 12:00 AM
It's late over here too, but I had to read this chapter... It's sweet, how you resolved Uri's torment with Shawns cute gesture in the end. At least he'll be able to sleep and eat again. He still has problems at school but I'm sure nothing can get him down when his big brother's on his side. *squeels like a fangirl*
You're right, I suppose Endymion is going through much more horrible torment then Uri, (And I'll be starting Tim's torture soon) but Uri is such a real, down to earth guy. The fact that this story is so realistic amplifies the emotions.
Hope what I said made sense. Off to sleep now.
You're right, I suppose Endymion is going through much more horrible torment then Uri, (And I'll be starting Tim's torture soon) but Uri is such a real, down to earth guy. The fact that this story is so realistic amplifies the emotions.
Hope what I said made sense. Off to sleep now.
schedule
February 6, 2007 at 12:00 AM
So.... Ummm.... Yeah. I have nothing to say to that chapter except.. damn FINALLY they make up. And I can't wait till they... realize that one actually likes the other. Anyhow toodles.
schedule
February 6, 2007 at 12:00 AM
woohoo! This chapter was AWESOME! I felt so bad for uri because of his aweful nightmares! But shawn made it better in the end! oo poor shawn, he must be soo confused! anyway, I'll be looking for the next chapter!! cant wait!
schedule
February 6, 2007 at 12:00 AM
Poor Uri those nightmares are pretty bad, but atleast he knows that Shawn doesn't hate him anymore. Hopefull things can start looking up again... well except for that horrible bully at his school... Great Chapter! Worth the long wait...
schedule
February 6, 2007 at 12:00 AM
Ahhh!! Please don't leave us waiting so long like for this chapter!! This story is one of the only reasons that I am constantly at aff checking for updates...
Keep up the good work!
Keep up the good work!
schedule
February 6, 2007 at 12:00 AM
Chapter 16 - Damn. I was excited with the whole 'watch Shawn in the bathroom thing' and then it turned out to be a dream. Oh, sigh. Poor Uri. Those dreams were crazy. It's funny how ALL the hints Shawn are giving him are 100 percent positive but Uri takes it as negative. Ha. That makes me giggle.
schedule
February 6, 2007 at 12:00 AM
well, that chapter ended with a step in the right direction at least. ^_^
maybe in the morning Shawn will see bruise on Uri's stomach from the jock's punch & do something......(notice i didn't mention WHAT ^_~)
give us more soon! ^_^
maybe in the morning Shawn will see bruise on Uri's stomach from the jock's punch & do something......(notice i didn't mention WHAT ^_~)
give us more soon! ^_^
schedule
February 6, 2007 at 12:00 AM
CHAPTER 16
That was the longest chapter yet! Nice. I can't get enough of this story, Teeta, it's damn good. 10477 hits!!! 259 reviews!!! Definetely a hit, amazing for a first story:)
I was really pissed off when Kyle punched Uri in the stomach. I imagine Uri to be petite in a sort of healthy boyish way. Kyle is actually big and strong, I mean, the size of that fist...*Shudders* What does he have against that boy, anyway? Was he the one who wrote ‘Fucking fag’ on Uri's locker? That is a very immature thing to do and is very mean. Another thing is that Uri got hurt for insinuating that Kyle is gay too. And he tends to say insightful truths under pressure... Oh, well, I might be thinking too much into this.
All that school sequence was well done, very realistic. Children are cruel to each other, it's a fact.
Uri's dreams were a bit extreme, I mean, the baseball bat... He is a way too emotional, poor thing. I am so glad that they started talking a bit. I doubt that they will suddenly completely open up and share the innermost secrets, but it's a good step.
About those dreams... Do they mean that Shawn's love is like life to Uri and his rejection is akin to death? I sort of got that impression. That would be some deep soulmate staff if it is at all true. I really have to read the next update now to find out!
P.S. I am going to update ASAP, it's at my Beta's right now and is the longest chapter yet. I had a huge writers block writing it and solved it by starting an original story. So, now I have a notebook with a rough draft of an original story in it in addition to the upcoming update (or the incoming update, who knows, it might blow up right in my face, hehe). Might actually develop it and post here, not sure yet.
That was the longest chapter yet! Nice. I can't get enough of this story, Teeta, it's damn good. 10477 hits!!! 259 reviews!!! Definetely a hit, amazing for a first story:)
I was really pissed off when Kyle punched Uri in the stomach. I imagine Uri to be petite in a sort of healthy boyish way. Kyle is actually big and strong, I mean, the size of that fist...*Shudders* What does he have against that boy, anyway? Was he the one who wrote ‘Fucking fag’ on Uri's locker? That is a very immature thing to do and is very mean. Another thing is that Uri got hurt for insinuating that Kyle is gay too. And he tends to say insightful truths under pressure... Oh, well, I might be thinking too much into this.
All that school sequence was well done, very realistic. Children are cruel to each other, it's a fact.
Uri's dreams were a bit extreme, I mean, the baseball bat... He is a way too emotional, poor thing. I am so glad that they started talking a bit. I doubt that they will suddenly completely open up and share the innermost secrets, but it's a good step.
About those dreams... Do they mean that Shawn's love is like life to Uri and his rejection is akin to death? I sort of got that impression. That would be some deep soulmate staff if it is at all true. I really have to read the next update now to find out!
P.S. I am going to update ASAP, it's at my Beta's right now and is the longest chapter yet. I had a huge writers block writing it and solved it by starting an original story. So, now I have a notebook with a rough draft of an original story in it in addition to the upcoming update (or the incoming update, who knows, it might blow up right in my face, hehe). Might actually develop it and post here, not sure yet.