AFF Fiction Portal

rate_review Reviews

for Drop

by secretparadox

person echtrae
schedule October 21, 2006 at 12:00 AM
I like what you have written. It looks like it could be interesting, that is if you are intending to continue it. I have a few comments about it though, which I only intend to help make it better.

Original text: Once again, she was at a lose for words.
Should be: loss

Original text: so that they would here.
Should be: hear

Original text: “that effected time”
Should be: affected

Also, shouldn't it be a spell or a charm instead of a potion. A potion is typically an elixir of some sort that is drunk by someone.

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