rate_review Reviews

Aw man!! That's just wrong that he would do that to his own sister. But I do hope you take my suggestion into consideration okay?

You completely got the wrong idea with what I was talking about I *know* that I'm *not* an idoit so please don't talk to me like I am one, it's really demeaning to me. I was refereing to *how* you were telling the story, for instance you never properly introduced the detective we didn't even get his name until half-way through the chapter.

When you introduce a new character you have to actually try to introduce them I mean what's he look like? How long has he been on the case? At first I wasn't sure if the person in the first scene and in scene two were the same guy since you never once named the person in the first scene.

You have to remember that we don't know the story as well as you, you have to make sure we're all on the same page and maybe make the characters a little less two dimentional may help, if this detective is a major character try to flesh him out a bit more it couldn't hurt the story.

This chapter was good cause it builds up to the next scene.

He's not perfect, he will make a mistake sooner or later. I had a feeling his sister would be next.

Really good. I like the idea behind it. You should really try to lengthen the chapter sizes though,

So good! I can't wait until the next chapter.

Ack! Although this is a horrible subject, your writing is very good. Oooh incest! Shmexy! Please Update!

well the story has some potential although the rape scene was pretty rushed through not much detail and on chapter 4 was hard to follow along. Try to remember to say who is thinking/speaking because I had no clue whose POV that started from. Plus who exactly is this cop anyway?

Well, if you follow the logic of the English language, it's quite easy to follow the pov, and who is speaking.

Hmmmm.