schedule
August 31, 2006 at 12:00 AM
Hmm, sounds interesting...I think it has potential. :-)
But I think there a few things you could do to help the reader out. I'd try spliting the chapter into more paragraphs, rather than just one single block. The single block format makes it difficult, or rather difficult on the eyes.
This next thing might just be me but, the title makes me think of a really bad horror flick. I was hesitant to read it at first, the title kinda turned me off to your story. You may want to consider revising what you call it. Other than that, it's pretty good! :-)
Keep up the work, and I hope my review proves useful.
But I think there a few things you could do to help the reader out. I'd try spliting the chapter into more paragraphs, rather than just one single block. The single block format makes it difficult, or rather difficult on the eyes.
This next thing might just be me but, the title makes me think of a really bad horror flick. I was hesitant to read it at first, the title kinda turned me off to your story. You may want to consider revising what you call it. Other than that, it's pretty good! :-)
Keep up the work, and I hope my review proves useful.