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November 24, 2006 at 12:00 AM
Your sentences drive me crazy...
Change "a gothic" to either "a goth" or simply "gothic"
You've got pretty good characterization, although the theme isn't original
Perhaps I'll read a little more...
Change "a gothic" to either "a goth" or simply "gothic"
You've got pretty good characterization, although the theme isn't original
Perhaps I'll read a little more...
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November 14, 2006 at 12:00 AM
If the sentences werent as cut off as they are i would enjoy the story so much better. I read one sentence and was like wait where's the rest. Come to find out that the sentence continued on the next line. But lets cut to the chase! Good story. I look forward to reading more of it soon. ^_^
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August 31, 2006 at 12:00 AM
MOOOOOOOOOOOORE! MORE!MORE! MORE! MORE!
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July 31, 2006 at 12:00 AM
someone tell me how to see reviews without having to do this 0.o, im confused T_T
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July 31, 2006 at 12:00 AM
Ah! sorry Adara, I ment to delete my review so i can see them and accidently deleted yours :'(.
Thank you for the encouragement :')!
Thank you for the encouragement :')!
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July 31, 2006 at 12:00 AM
I thought it was great for a first attempt. The story line is wonderful. I just can't wait for more. I hope you write a new chapter soon:)
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July 30, 2006 at 12:00 AM
Nice err...lol, second attempt. I think as far as story, this has much potential. I think though, to make it easier on the reader's eyes, you may want to put spaces in between paragraphs, or seperate Dialogue. I just makes the readin' experience a bit better. :-) Oh, and I think on things like, "A few months earlier..." you may want to either bold them up, or put parenthesis around them. I at first thought those words were part of the initial sentence...I hope this proved useful. :-)