schedule
August 8, 2006 at 12:00 AM
This is kinda weird for me
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Because my name is Jen >.>
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Because my name is Jen >.>
schedule
August 4, 2006 at 12:00 AM
WOW, now that was HOT.
schedule
August 3, 2006 at 12:00 AM
I think that before he takes her virginity, he should explore her body. ALL of her body. Foreplay is so important, because it gets the juices flowing and really makes penetration easier to handle. If he just jams himself into her, no matter how gentle he may try to be, he might come off clumsy and she may not enjoy the encounter at all, because she has braced herself for the pain. That's what she's thinking about right now, is the pain. However, if he was playing with her, with his fingers, his tongue, etc...she'd be thinking of nothing but the pleasure, and when he slips himself inside of her, the pain will be there, but brief, and she'll hardly be able to reflect on it. Just some friendly advice..
schedule
August 3, 2006 at 12:00 AM
What NO foreplay??
schedule
August 3, 2006 at 12:00 AM
So they are going to have sex, i just hope she's not making a big mistake.
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July 29, 2006 at 12:00 AM
Excellent so far. Make it hard as you can. If it is first time for both of them have them experiment with eachother.
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July 27, 2006 at 12:00 AM
Hello Fenrir! I am the Psycho Duck, here to review your story! *YAY!*
Okay, so to respond to some of your suggestions chapter. Well, I'm not sure what this taboo about someone having to lose their virginity at a young age or older age. Also, I believe that if I were to have a partner, I would like her not to be a virgin. Because there is all this "being her first.." thing might be a little freaky out. Okay enough of virginity and what not, onto the review!
Story review, well it's a start. I like how you went more into the mindset of the teacher as well as the student, because this is something that she has never experienced before on so many levels, her virginity, love, and the pressure of the social conitations of statitory rape, but keep in mind you have two characters and if you want both of their mindests in place you should give both equal time. Also, see if you can go more into the idea that this is taboo. People seem to like that.
Overall, like the story so far and I would like to see how Damien really reacts to his teacher's virginity and love for him. If he was sensible, he'd say they needed to wait two years until it wasn't illegal for both of their sakes, but we all know the 17-year-old male mindset now, don't we?
OKAY! The grammar! *ducks* Actually the grammar isn't too bad. I could actually read the story and not be like, AH! grammar! Just remember, everything I say doesn't have to go to heart, just suggestions! :D Just one thing when you're writing. This is a story, and some things to clear it up. It's not like talking. Remove the contractions! I see a lot of didn't, shouldn't, wouldn't. It would look better as did not, could not, would not. Understand? Okay, I'd put a space between paragraphs to help the story be a little more readable and organized.
Well I'm done. As to what is to come next, you are the writer and that is your decision! Good luck! And congratulations on having the courage and the time to post your work on the internet! Hope to see you soon.
Peace and blessings
-The Psycho Duck
Okay, so to respond to some of your suggestions chapter. Well, I'm not sure what this taboo about someone having to lose their virginity at a young age or older age. Also, I believe that if I were to have a partner, I would like her not to be a virgin. Because there is all this "being her first.." thing might be a little freaky out. Okay enough of virginity and what not, onto the review!
Story review, well it's a start. I like how you went more into the mindset of the teacher as well as the student, because this is something that she has never experienced before on so many levels, her virginity, love, and the pressure of the social conitations of statitory rape, but keep in mind you have two characters and if you want both of their mindests in place you should give both equal time. Also, see if you can go more into the idea that this is taboo. People seem to like that.
Overall, like the story so far and I would like to see how Damien really reacts to his teacher's virginity and love for him. If he was sensible, he'd say they needed to wait two years until it wasn't illegal for both of their sakes, but we all know the 17-year-old male mindset now, don't we?
OKAY! The grammar! *ducks* Actually the grammar isn't too bad. I could actually read the story and not be like, AH! grammar! Just remember, everything I say doesn't have to go to heart, just suggestions! :D Just one thing when you're writing. This is a story, and some things to clear it up. It's not like talking. Remove the contractions! I see a lot of didn't, shouldn't, wouldn't. It would look better as did not, could not, would not. Understand? Okay, I'd put a space between paragraphs to help the story be a little more readable and organized.
Well I'm done. As to what is to come next, you are the writer and that is your decision! Good luck! And congratulations on having the courage and the time to post your work on the internet! Hope to see you soon.
Peace and blessings
-The Psycho Duck
schedule
July 27, 2006 at 12:00 AM
Why thank you.. umm well I have a bunch of guy friends who happened to be talking about it and something about being super tight. odviously and they have no one to compair it too.. so its like the best they have ever had.. strange I know..
schedule
July 26, 2006 at 12:00 AM
That isnt going to freak him out right?? I mean guys love that stuff. They love being first blah blah.. boys suck! not really well they do but depends on the boy.
schedule
July 26, 2006 at 12:00 AM
I'm happy that she's still a virgin, nothing wrong with that. why can't you do both, let him make love to her then after,(when she gets use to it) let the fun begin. really nice sorry.