schedule
July 13, 2006 at 12:00 AM
Please leave me reviews/comments people! Thanks muchly!
~Linn~
~Linn~
schedule
July 13, 2006 at 12:00 AM
Okay, you want comments
You NEED to keep POV straight. You used He, Passive and I,non-passive. That is two different't Persons. use first or Third. COmbining them only works if you use it as a Journal entry format. Also, you let the paragraphs runs way long. It was like reading one massive run on sentence. Break it up into two parts. Make the formatting easier.
It wasn't bad for a PWP,all in all.
You NEED to keep POV straight. You used He, Passive and I,non-passive. That is two different't Persons. use first or Third. COmbining them only works if you use it as a Journal entry format. Also, you let the paragraphs runs way long. It was like reading one massive run on sentence. Break it up into two parts. Make the formatting easier.
It wasn't bad for a PWP,all in all.