rate_review Reviews

unaa hermosa historia, muy bien escrita y muy interesante, espero que pronto puedas alzar varios capitulos, no dejes inconcluso, ana maria

I happen to think this is a well plotted story. It may be derived from a simple fairy tail, but it has taken on a new life in this story. Well written, and developed. Truely awsome stuff.

Hmmm... Ok, I'll review for my Twineh and be as honest as possible.

Now I don't think the story sucks - far from it at that. I can see some serious potential. (Love the little foreshadowing you did at the end of chapter 5). But I have a few gripes...

My biggest one is Red herself. I'm sorry Twineh, but to me she just SCREAMS Mary-Sue. I dont feel any force of personality from her. All I've got is that she has ties to things in Jack's past that are obvious in the story and he wants to fuck her. That's really all I have. She just kinda bores me. I'm waiting for something to happen to make her stand out as a character, not just leave her as some lame damsel in distress when forces against Jack get her to get at him. It just seems like that's the way the story will end up turning. Or something along the lines of Jack's father getting her to lure him out. It's predictable. And that bugs me because I know you're not predictable. *shrug* I don't know. Maybe I'm wrong. I really hope I am. I just don't like how plain she is.

Other than that my other gripes have to do with spelling and grammar. You know how I am about that. Also time placement. You used a lot of words in the wrong tense or in a more personal tense. Not that I don't understand what you're saying, it just bugs me to read it like that.

POSITIVES!!!

I really do like the foreshadowing at the end of the chapter. You made those characters seem deliciously evil and I can't wait to see them explored soon. And the german thing was cool - even if I can't pronouce it lol.

So keep it up Twineh. Don't rush on a chpater just to meet demand. Hell, who am I kidding? You don't rush lol. But take your time and read through carefully before you post it. I'm always here to beta if you need me.

Love you!

i love your story, so please update as soon as you can.

yeah! I'm so glad you are continuing this story!!! Please keep up the good work! and if you ever need a Beta give me a hollar =-)

this is amazing so far, please update soon!

Very nice. Your writing has improved greatly form the last story I read of yours. I especially enjoy the attention to detail when it came to describing the setting and characters. I was surprised to find that Jack was that tall, but I can also see what you were going for in the metaphorical sense. Good job, keep up the good work.

i like it jack seemms real hott lol well hope u update soonn

ahhhhhhhh!!!!! woman u had better update this hot ass shit!!!!! lollll u noe i love ur fanfiction - i just wish that writers block would leave u alone... seriously i liked the direction that this seemed to go in ( jus waiting for some sex dammit lol )and i like Noire *vamp freak* - cute name btw... write more about him plzzz? ^_^ u noe i love u - ur meh twineh!!!! ^_^

Hey, just wanted to say that I instantly fell in love with this story, and I can not wait to read more of what happens.