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July 28, 2006 at 12:00 AM
Hey-this story is great! You have a good thing going; I really enjoy this story, please continue and keep up the good work. Its hard to find a story that is well written as well as having a good plot line.
schedule
July 22, 2006 at 12:00 AM
keep going
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July 10, 2006 at 12:00 AM
please continue I Love the story very much please put more Chapters in the story very Soon I beg you pretty please the story is wonderful and awesome and put more Chapters in the story asap too.
schedule
July 8, 2006 at 12:00 AM
I like your story so far. Please update soon
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July 4, 2006 at 12:00 AM
please keep going
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July 3, 2006 at 12:00 AM
this is geting good
schedule
July 3, 2006 at 12:00 AM
Mmm, mind fucking. My specialty, though I usually like a more morbid subplots going on.
Well done. Try to add a little more story to it than just having Ash coming back and psychologically raping her and dominating her, because after a while it gets repetative and boring. By the forth chapter I was skipping much of the writing and found I didn't miss much, which in my mind is very dangerous when it comes to writing. Spice it up to give it more flavor.
Now the grammar! *ducks the incoming eraser* Grammar and spelling can be tweaked here and there to help with the flow of the story. Also, check out the paragraph structure. I found you would write something that Maggie says but than have an action performed by Ash, which makes the reader very confused sometimes. Or might just be me.
Interesting story. I'm interested in seeing where you'll take this. Talk at you later
Peace and blessings
-The Psycho Duck
Well done. Try to add a little more story to it than just having Ash coming back and psychologically raping her and dominating her, because after a while it gets repetative and boring. By the forth chapter I was skipping much of the writing and found I didn't miss much, which in my mind is very dangerous when it comes to writing. Spice it up to give it more flavor.
Now the grammar! *ducks the incoming eraser* Grammar and spelling can be tweaked here and there to help with the flow of the story. Also, check out the paragraph structure. I found you would write something that Maggie says but than have an action performed by Ash, which makes the reader very confused sometimes. Or might just be me.
Interesting story. I'm interested in seeing where you'll take this. Talk at you later
Peace and blessings
-The Psycho Duck
schedule
July 3, 2006 at 12:00 AM
please keep up with this story.I hope the next chapter comes soon.
schedule
July 2, 2006 at 12:00 AM
I can't wait for the next chapter.
schedule
June 28, 2006 at 12:00 AM
I really like this story. Keep up the good work!