schedule
July 11, 2006 at 12:00 AM
Ah, Lets see.
Review...Review.
Over all, not bad. Would have liked to see Richards Bad side a little and his process of change..Maybe as a flashback or something. That would have been good. Maybe some more descriptions of the people.
I noticed dome errors.
Yours
Love? Did he just say love? Now Celine was really worried. Enchantress Vaneese had warn her this would happen.
Correction: Veneese had warned her that this would happen.
Yours
Celine whould had finished her sentence, but was cut off when Richard kissed her with a need that he'd been hiding for awhile. Celine really didn't know what to do, but all thought escaped her when he opened her mouth and plunged his tongue inside her mouth. Richard had wanted to do this for a long time and couldn't stop himself from sampling her charms. Man, she was intoxicating! He'd tasted and bedded many women, but since he'd met Celine, he didn't have the heart to do that. As he kissed her, he realized she'd never been kissed before for it took some coaxing for her to kiss him back. His hands cupped her face before reaching back and ran through her hair. He heard her sigh as he switched the angle of the kiss and plunged even further. He couldn't get enough of her.
Correction:
Celine would ,
Maybe make it a little softer? Instead of tongue plunged..something like..His tongue passed between her lips into a gentle kiss. Both tongues met, performing a empassioned dance.
Yours :
He knew he couldn't last much longer. Richard began thrusting into her over and over, and got a little faster each time. She was so tight and perfect. He kissed her mouth again. Richard reached down and took her knees, pulling them up so he could go deeper into her. His juices began to mingle with hers. Richard felt Celine hook her legs around his waist as her hands clinged to his neck. Finally, the last of his strength broke as he took her without restraint. She responded to his every move. Richard
hollared out her name as he exploded inside of her.
Correction:
Her hands Clung to his neck, Richard
hollered out her name as he exploded inside of her.
Small stuff. Figured you wanted a real review and not just a HEY That's great!
Starfyre
Review...Review.
Over all, not bad. Would have liked to see Richards Bad side a little and his process of change..Maybe as a flashback or something. That would have been good. Maybe some more descriptions of the people.
I noticed dome errors.
Yours
Love? Did he just say love? Now Celine was really worried. Enchantress Vaneese had warn her this would happen.
Correction: Veneese had warned her that this would happen.
Yours
Celine whould had finished her sentence, but was cut off when Richard kissed her with a need that he'd been hiding for awhile. Celine really didn't know what to do, but all thought escaped her when he opened her mouth and plunged his tongue inside her mouth. Richard had wanted to do this for a long time and couldn't stop himself from sampling her charms. Man, she was intoxicating! He'd tasted and bedded many women, but since he'd met Celine, he didn't have the heart to do that. As he kissed her, he realized she'd never been kissed before for it took some coaxing for her to kiss him back. His hands cupped her face before reaching back and ran through her hair. He heard her sigh as he switched the angle of the kiss and plunged even further. He couldn't get enough of her.
Correction:
Celine would ,
Maybe make it a little softer? Instead of tongue plunged..something like..His tongue passed between her lips into a gentle kiss. Both tongues met, performing a empassioned dance.
Yours :
He knew he couldn't last much longer. Richard began thrusting into her over and over, and got a little faster each time. She was so tight and perfect. He kissed her mouth again. Richard reached down and took her knees, pulling them up so he could go deeper into her. His juices began to mingle with hers. Richard felt Celine hook her legs around his waist as her hands clinged to his neck. Finally, the last of his strength broke as he took her without restraint. She responded to his every move. Richard
hollared out her name as he exploded inside of her.
Correction:
Her hands Clung to his neck, Richard
hollered out her name as he exploded inside of her.
Small stuff. Figured you wanted a real review and not just a HEY That's great!
Starfyre
schedule
July 11, 2006 at 12:00 AM
Some Errors
Lol..even I do it..so no big. It's what makes us human.
Starfyre
Lol..even I do it..so no big. It's what makes us human.
Starfyre
schedule
July 11, 2006 at 12:00 AM
Well, I am glad you reviewed at least. I guess I could update now. lol.