schedule
November 21, 2006 at 12:00 AM
so far so good. keep up the good work.
schedule
September 4, 2006 at 12:00 AM
This story is kind of interesting. I am intrigued about this world. As another reviewer said before though, in the prologue that big chunk of text is off-putting. I don't mind smut at all (no surprise, huh?) so I'm glad to see you do like getting dirty in your stories. You have to remember this is aff.net, so when some people click on these things there are certain expectations. This of course doesn't mean you have to cram insanely huge fucking into every chapter, but sexiness to stories is a bonus. A good plot with explicit sex scenes in context works well ;)
If you've lost momentum or drive with this story, I suggest you could try rewriting the prologue. Make it more mysterious and questioning. Keep the sex scene though, but definately break it up and rework it. It reads like a shopping list at times: "First, he did...then, he...next, he...".
Keep writing though. I appreciate what you're trying to do.
If you've lost momentum or drive with this story, I suggest you could try rewriting the prologue. Make it more mysterious and questioning. Keep the sex scene though, but definately break it up and rework it. It reads like a shopping list at times: "First, he did...then, he...next, he...".
Keep writing though. I appreciate what you're trying to do.
schedule
August 11, 2006 at 12:00 AM
more?
schedule
July 21, 2006 at 12:00 AM
Prologue
As with the dragon story, just wow. This is good but I think my only complaint would be the very large paragraphs. Upon reading, they come up and sometimes are intimidating. That one paragrapgh could easily be three.
The plot is solid..and the smut but I kind of skimmed over that part to be truthful. I was more into the plot behind the story. Since the smut came in with the Long Para also, um yeah.
But otherwise..and I don't mean any offense in saying that the smut wasn't for me. Heck, even my stories very rarely have a written scene in them anymore. I like the story idea.
If I had to choose though..I still like dragons..lol but thats just me.
Chapter 1
Again, the only complaint would be the long paragraphs. The length of the chapters is good but those massive paras make it a bit Scary This promotes the urge to skim through.
Keep writing and update soon
Starfyre
As with the dragon story, just wow. This is good but I think my only complaint would be the very large paragraphs. Upon reading, they come up and sometimes are intimidating. That one paragrapgh could easily be three.
The plot is solid..and the smut but I kind of skimmed over that part to be truthful. I was more into the plot behind the story. Since the smut came in with the Long Para also, um yeah.
But otherwise..and I don't mean any offense in saying that the smut wasn't for me. Heck, even my stories very rarely have a written scene in them anymore. I like the story idea.
If I had to choose though..I still like dragons..lol but thats just me.
Chapter 1
Again, the only complaint would be the long paragraphs. The length of the chapters is good but those massive paras make it a bit Scary This promotes the urge to skim through.
Keep writing and update soon
Starfyre
schedule
July 21, 2006 at 12:00 AM
Okay..why that came out ALL bold..I have no idea. Just pretend it isn't in bold :D
schedule
June 14, 2006 at 12:00 AM
It's short, too short to draw too many conclusions from so far, but it's a good start.
schedule
June 14, 2006 at 12:00 AM
Thanks for the review. I meant for this part to be short too, but to keep you interested. I intend to make the next chapter longer too. I hope you keep reading.