rate_review Reviews

It's very Sailor Moonish at times. Can tell you draw on a lot of anime as sources of inspiration, so that's cool. The story is okay, I'm interested at least. It's very bare bones as someone said previously, but I can handle that since it moves along fast. But yeah, if your chapters are going to be this short, you should at least make sure your grammar, tenses and spelling is correct. Later chapters are better than the first few in this regard, so you're improving.

Hey, the reason I reposted this was because when they revamped this site, I thought they lost this story. And well, I don't want to just add everything at once cause I want reviews. I shall try editing what I have though so bare with me. I do hope that you like this story. I do try to make them longer in later chaps.

Oh, and about the M/F action. It doesn't happen til later on. I am sorry but you're going to have to be patient.

Owe ya for a review or two.

You know I like this. I saw it up until the huge crash and then the chapters poofed. So I know what happens to that point and that's cool. Just lets me see how you edit and fix as you go.

Keep writing

P.s: Oh and yes..they always go after the girl in mine. Or the guy. I have one story ( unpublished ) that has some oddness to it like that. I guess I always use a focal point. Anywho!

Laters

Starfyre

But I have seen all the Next chaps. Why are you reposting this? You never once got any kind of M/F action in it when your summary said you had it.

Oh and try separating the lines

"He said" blah

She said "Blah blah"

Spaces work

hm, this has an interesting storyline it does. but to me it seems kind of choppy. just add more description and let everything lead into something else. Not so much directness and more thought into your writing will add more of an emotional connect with your characters. :] but i will keep up with the story. the plot is very interesting, good work.