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schedule
September 21, 2006 at 12:00 AM
Definitely an interesting start. You write beautifully. And I love the world you have established.
The only thing I would work on is your clearity. You have one or two transitions in the first chapter that don't flow completely. I had to pause and reread a couple of times. Which I usually wouldn't mind doing, but isn't good for the beginning of the story when you are trying to set up the plot/characters.
The only thing I would work on is your clearity. You have one or two transitions in the first chapter that don't flow completely. I had to pause and reread a couple of times. Which I usually wouldn't mind doing, but isn't good for the beginning of the story when you are trying to set up the plot/characters.
schedule
April 5, 2006 at 12:00 AM
An intriguing beginning! You certainly know how to evoke an image, I particularly liked your description of the \"...glass spires, rising from the ground like enormous ice peaks.\" Very poetic and vivid. Although much about their situation remains unexplained, I feel like I\'ve already learned quite a bit about Rubin and his Master, and even the Registrar. The strength of their characters pulls me along and makes me want to know more -- both about them and about the world they live in.
Love,
Falcon
Love,
Falcon