schedule
September 13, 2006 at 12:00 AM
Well,it's great eventhough rather slow but I like it. Keep it up. I'm praying for you and your story. Patience bring success anyway. Hope God will always bless you Katicka locke
schedule
September 13, 2006 at 12:00 AM
This story was recommended and I usually don't read original stories but I decided to give it a try and guess what??? I AM HOOKED!!! I find myself still awake at 4am, putting off going to bed just so I can read what happens next. PLEASE, PLEASE update very very very soon. I hope Sactaren can help Lark get over his fears and insecurities. MORE...MORE...
schedule
September 12, 2006 at 12:00 AM
Ah! Only one more??? I can’t believe it’ll be over so soon… (Well, I suppose, not technically over…but done for a while!) OMG, though…does this mean…? Dun-dun-dun-duhhh…could we possibly see some form of actual intercourse next chapter?? Or am I going to have to teeter on the edge of my seat through an entire second book? Phhht. I certainly hope not! But any, now that I’ve rambled about my various and sundry musings…on to the actual review! (Which mind you, I apologize took so very long. You’ve been so lovely to me about reviewing so promptly after I’ve posted nearly every time now…and I repay you by temporizing till the last minute. Just keep in mind, it has nothing to do with your writing. The fact that I have to wait a week for every update has me going back now and looking over previous chapters. You have me on pins and needles, I swear!) -Ahem- Review:
This chapter, you once again remind me of the incredible power behind names/titles. An amateur writer gives a character a name, period, end of story. You, along with at least one other author that comes to mind immediately, bring up front all the implications behind how characters address each other. The first time Lark actually called Sactaren “Master”, stood out vividly simply because he’d never used that title before, and because it showed complete and total reversion, at least for that instant, back to when he was nothing but trash to his owners. In this chapter especially, I think you show well how horrible that name is to Sactaren, the idea that Lark would use the same title for him that he’d given to those who’d beaten and raped him in the past.
When Lark walked in on Sactaren, I thought your words to describe his sounds and movements were perfect. It was obvious, of course, what he was doing, but instead of the pleasured moans and groans one might expect, he was ‘whimpering, crying, and shuddering’, and I could almost feel his loneliness as he drew up into himself in the dark on those cold navy sheets. Those very descriptions make it more believable when Lark catches him with tears on his cheeks. Otherwise, it might have been almost impossible to see such a seemingly unshakable man so openly vulnerable.
When I went back to Lark’s first ever impression of Sactaren, however, I find that though Lark always views him in a superior, untouchable light, the first descriptions of him showed him to be “frighteningly beautiful”, and almost effeminate in some cases. (Like the description of his eyes, for instance, making his other features seem “small and delicate”.) I don’t care if Lark’s the slave, he needs to get over his insecurities and take some forward action. Naeven needs it! -Ahem- Anyway…
Sometimes, just sleeping together, no sex, no nothing, is one of the most intimate things two people can do. To just hold and comfort and sleep. Best part ever:
"Nothing I want could feel as good as holding you right now."
I could hug you. Beautifully done.
The note from Schaff and Kivixl was great. Made me grin and giggle and all that fun stuff. (Which is really quite nice in the midst of a story otherwise dominated by an undulating roller-coaster ride of endless emotional trauma. ^_~ )
Hate it that Lark got all edgy again soon as he woke up. I mean damn, will he EVER make up his mind? -sigh- I have patience…I swear……….. Alright. I lied. But I’ll wait for you. I promise. Yeah…like I have a choice. (I’m busy convincing myself I have power here; don’t disillusion me yet. T_T )
Still hate Tam. Definitely believe Sactaren. Evil b**** can go to burn in the fiery depths of hifl. (Don’t ask my why I feel the need to dub down curses at the moment, I really have no idea. o_o)
Greatest Schaff moments of all time:
“…when I finally saw him pinned beneath me -"
"Oh, boy, I bet he loved that…"
“…when I held him down, when I touched him, when I bit him -"
"Hey, cool it, you're making me all excited."
LOL! Ahh…I couldn’t stop laughing. Maybe he can be a furry bastard at times…but I don’t care. He’s perfect. I would pet him, but he’d probably bite my finger off. Schaff. *muchlove* -grin- Gotta love Schaff… Oh, and then this:
“He's incredibly insecure, you know.”
You know? I never would have guessed… Phht. No idea how I’m going to wait for the final chapter…but I guess I’ll have to! A thousand years of luck to you in regards to getting this thing published. I’ve never tried, nor ever known anyone who’s tried to get their writing published, but everything I’ve ever heard suggests that’s it gruesome. I hope you get it, know you deserve it, but if you don’t just know…your writing is still terrific. No matter what, the worst that could possibly happen would be for you to stop. Keep it up!
-Moonstar
This chapter, you once again remind me of the incredible power behind names/titles. An amateur writer gives a character a name, period, end of story. You, along with at least one other author that comes to mind immediately, bring up front all the implications behind how characters address each other. The first time Lark actually called Sactaren “Master”, stood out vividly simply because he’d never used that title before, and because it showed complete and total reversion, at least for that instant, back to when he was nothing but trash to his owners. In this chapter especially, I think you show well how horrible that name is to Sactaren, the idea that Lark would use the same title for him that he’d given to those who’d beaten and raped him in the past.
When Lark walked in on Sactaren, I thought your words to describe his sounds and movements were perfect. It was obvious, of course, what he was doing, but instead of the pleasured moans and groans one might expect, he was ‘whimpering, crying, and shuddering’, and I could almost feel his loneliness as he drew up into himself in the dark on those cold navy sheets. Those very descriptions make it more believable when Lark catches him with tears on his cheeks. Otherwise, it might have been almost impossible to see such a seemingly unshakable man so openly vulnerable.
When I went back to Lark’s first ever impression of Sactaren, however, I find that though Lark always views him in a superior, untouchable light, the first descriptions of him showed him to be “frighteningly beautiful”, and almost effeminate in some cases. (Like the description of his eyes, for instance, making his other features seem “small and delicate”.) I don’t care if Lark’s the slave, he needs to get over his insecurities and take some forward action. Naeven needs it! -Ahem- Anyway…
Sometimes, just sleeping together, no sex, no nothing, is one of the most intimate things two people can do. To just hold and comfort and sleep. Best part ever:
"Nothing I want could feel as good as holding you right now."
I could hug you. Beautifully done.
The note from Schaff and Kivixl was great. Made me grin and giggle and all that fun stuff. (Which is really quite nice in the midst of a story otherwise dominated by an undulating roller-coaster ride of endless emotional trauma. ^_~ )
Hate it that Lark got all edgy again soon as he woke up. I mean damn, will he EVER make up his mind? -sigh- I have patience…I swear……….. Alright. I lied. But I’ll wait for you. I promise. Yeah…like I have a choice. (I’m busy convincing myself I have power here; don’t disillusion me yet. T_T )
Still hate Tam. Definitely believe Sactaren. Evil b**** can go to burn in the fiery depths of hifl. (Don’t ask my why I feel the need to dub down curses at the moment, I really have no idea. o_o)
Greatest Schaff moments of all time:
“…when I finally saw him pinned beneath me -"
"Oh, boy, I bet he loved that…"
“…when I held him down, when I touched him, when I bit him -"
"Hey, cool it, you're making me all excited."
LOL! Ahh…I couldn’t stop laughing. Maybe he can be a furry bastard at times…but I don’t care. He’s perfect. I would pet him, but he’d probably bite my finger off. Schaff. *muchlove* -grin- Gotta love Schaff… Oh, and then this:
“He's incredibly insecure, you know.”
You know? I never would have guessed… Phht. No idea how I’m going to wait for the final chapter…but I guess I’ll have to! A thousand years of luck to you in regards to getting this thing published. I’ve never tried, nor ever known anyone who’s tried to get their writing published, but everything I’ve ever heard suggests that’s it gruesome. I hope you get it, know you deserve it, but if you don’t just know…your writing is still terrific. No matter what, the worst that could possibly happen would be for you to stop. Keep it up!
-Moonstar
schedule
September 10, 2006 at 12:00 AM
Oooooh... Nice story... It's well thought out and veeeery interesting...
schedule
September 10, 2006 at 12:00 AM
Oooooh... Nice story... It's well thought out and veeeery interesting...
schedule
September 10, 2006 at 12:00 AM
Ohh sooo close! There both being so stuborn!! >.< I hope you get contacted by the publisher! xD I love this storie! And Would soo buy it <3.
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September 9, 2006 at 12:00 AM
I really, really dont like Tam.
schedule
September 8, 2006 at 12:00 AM
A long time reader frist time reviewer!
Your story is too good. I can not find another story as good as it(I spend the week beteewn your update looking for one to fill the viod and end up rereading your last update). I even get up at 7 am on fridays to see if been update(live in west europe). "Once a slave..." is the high light of my day(I know a bit sad)
I have a few questions, Like are we ever going to find out abount the story on Naeven's daughter and back in chapter 13(I think) Naeven talk abount a "backward little planet" that try to burn him at the stake, was that earth he was talking about?
(sorry for misspellings)
Your story is too good. I can not find another story as good as it(I spend the week beteewn your update looking for one to fill the viod and end up rereading your last update). I even get up at 7 am on fridays to see if been update(live in west europe). "Once a slave..." is the high light of my day(I know a bit sad)
I have a few questions, Like are we ever going to find out abount the story on Naeven's daughter and back in chapter 13(I think) Naeven talk abount a "backward little planet" that try to burn him at the stake, was that earth he was talking about?
(sorry for misspellings)
schedule
September 8, 2006 at 12:00 AM
I'm going to be really sad when you finish this. I'm so attatched to this story it's creepy. But if you get it published I'm definently buying it. And I'll be eagerly awaitting the sequel. <3
schedule
September 8, 2006 at 12:00 AM
I both love and loathe updates.
I love them, because I get to find out what happens next, but I loathe them, because I know that I will have to wait one *full* week before I get to read the next part.
I'm so glad that Lark is finally learning to let go and admit what he really wants. I think it's horrible that his previous masters have damanged him so much, but if anyone can help him, I think its Sactaren. I have faith in them!
Keep up the fantastic work.
(And I really really hope the publishers get back to you. You already have rabid fangirls, so what else are they waiting for?)
I love them, because I get to find out what happens next, but I loathe them, because I know that I will have to wait one *full* week before I get to read the next part.
I'm so glad that Lark is finally learning to let go and admit what he really wants. I think it's horrible that his previous masters have damanged him so much, but if anyone can help him, I think its Sactaren. I have faith in them!
Keep up the fantastic work.
(And I really really hope the publishers get back to you. You already have rabid fangirls, so what else are they waiting for?)