rate_review Reviews

I loved this story very much, it came to life in my mind and I would love it if you continued writing it on here. I would love to see the relationship between Lark and Nav develope as well as maybe a confrontation with Nav\'s wife and some more developement with other characters like Schaff and Khas. Please continue this story.

I don\'t think you\'ve necessarily hurt your chances just by posting here. If you want to get an idea of the feasibility, you might shoot SAPayne an email (check the slash category under the originals section of AFF - she has one there now called All Souls Pass) and ask her. She posted several novel length fics on AFF (completely), then took one of those and revamped it some and published it for sale. Now, she still posts chaps to her newest fic here, but you could ask her how well her published one did after it had been on AFF freely. I also belong to a yahoo group of authors who publish m/m erotic stories through places like lulu, exstasy books, loveyoudivine, etc. They publish e-books (usually under $5 download) as well as print. They will sometimes post excerpts of their stories to tempt the buyer. And being already published, you might consider joining that group and getting some feedback from authors already in the business. In fact, I recall that being a topic not too long ago. If interested, I can give you that yahoo group name. So, you could always either 1.) use AFF to get feedback to see if an idea is working or not or 2.) post an extended excerpt or 3.) continue posting stories here for fans regardless.

Now, all that being said, I personally rarely buy the e-books I\'ve read excerpts to unless it really draws me in from the get-go. Being on a tight budget, I prefer to spend my little discretionary funds on graphic boy luv novels. There are so many great authors, not only on AFF but also on other public fiction web sites, that make their yaoi/slash tales available to the general mature public at no cost that it\'s not worth it to me to pay for one - unless, like I said, it draws me in right from the start. This one you\'ve posted is one that would go into my \"think about/consider it\" pile. I tend to prefer long story arcs, with maybe several short side stories within the arc. But to get into it enough to pay, I would have to fall in the love with the main characters almost from the beginning (ex: I pay to read stories on the Juxtapose Fantasy site)

This is terrific! I love Lark...I love all your characters, the way you describe them so well, making each one different with memorable personalities and fitting dialogue. The short little bits of humor that you throw in there with Larks thoughts are hilarious, but then later, I also have to admire his honor and resolve. \'Once a slave, always a slave...\' I don\'t think so. He\'s got a will of his own even if he doesn\'t know it yet, a terrific personality that makes him wonderful as a character. Not the perfect, Mary Sue, character...but the realistic character that readers can come to love just because of his honest heart.

And Sactaren! Oooooh bishis alert! He\'s stunning. He\'s gorgeous, luring and exotic...powerful but not overdone...and just friggin\' sexy! The way you described him in the tub scene, comparing him to a hound with the rippling muscles and silent power; loved it. It put such a vivid picture in my mind...and I can\'t get over the way you describe Lark\'s reactions to him! It\'s all terrific.

The poor sick boy, the desperate mother, the cruel Lord...you gave each of them their own vivid personality even in the short amount of time they came through. And Lark\'s brother! Killing the fox ohhh....that almost made me cry. That\'s so sad! And true...and touching. Really, you\'re terrific.

And of course we can\'t forget Schaff. xD For all his \'playful\' mean streaks...I think he\'s got a good heart too, hidden beneath his dismissive demeanor. You make me wonder about him though...whenever he talks about trying to be him...and jumping out of the tower...I\'m wondering what could be so bad for him? I think (naturally) there must be some big mysterious secret about Sactaren. He\'s to cool and sly and silent not to have one...and the hints are everywhere. I really, REALLY want to learn more about him...but I have a feeling he\'s one of those characters who you really have to dig and feed and read between the lines to try and figure out. Still. He\'s just awesome like that. ^_^

Anyway, I want to tell you that I read it from beginning to end (sort of...not the end, but yeah...T_T), and LOVED every bit of it! I can\'t wait for more. Your chapters are tastefully long and I appreciate that greatly. I hope, hope, hope you\'ll post more soon! Please do!

-Moonstar

That was a very good chapter. Flowed very well. I haven\'t a clue what to expect from this fiction, and you do a magic setting very well. It takes a lot of creativity to put together a story with mages and strange magical creatures without making it too cliche, but you have succeeded as far as I can tell. I have no critism to dish out. And I dare say, the present tense isn\'t as much of a bother as before. Good job.

~C~

Great new chapter! Those worms were really nasty -- very vividly described, and very disgusting. I keep trying to wipe black goo off my skin. *Shudder* Why do I have the feeling that Lark\'s evening with his master isn\'t going to be as bad as he thinks it is? Just a hunch, I suppose. Anyway, thanks for this amazing story!

Love,
Falcon

Awesome! This latest chapter was intense. Yay for Lark disobeying and saving a baby and the little creature. *huggles Lark* I\'m sitting on the edge of my seat biting my nails to see what his master has planned as punishment. Good job on the descriptions too!

This is a really great start, well written and drawing me in right from the beginning. It might be good to have a little more detail as to the looks/features of your slave and the master, but otherwise the story is flowing nicely and is quite entertaining. I look forward to seeing the growing tension/interaction between the two, as well as what the consequences might be if Lark displeases again. Hope there will be another chapter update soon.

I\'m really enjoying reading this! I like your pacing, the way you take the time to let the relationships unfold at a natural pace. And the way you show us all the details that make a story seem real, right down to Lark\'s struggle his new socks. Every person we meet, no matter how small their role, seems like a distinct character. I\'m especially fond of Schaff -- I guess I can\'t resist a sarcastic prankster.

Definitely looking forward to reading more!

Love,
Falcon

Hello,
I had to review your story to tell you how much I am enjoying it. Your style of writing is very practical and no-nonsense, I like that. The way Lark is thinking is very realistic, he is accustomed to his lot in life, yet I feel so sorry for him. You are doing a wonderful job with his emotions. His new master is very mysterious!! Can\'t wait for the next chapters.
Jaylen

That was much easier to read. Good job. I\'m such a cat person, I love that lil devil! And I continue to be very intrigued by lord Sactaren... or however his name is spelled. I can\'t wait to see what the main plot for this story is. Oh yes and that lady; how will she play into it all? I don\'t have any tips for this one. You did well.

~C~