schedule
May 22, 2008 at 12:00 AM
Rather interesting m'dear. We should talk about this more detailed later. I have a few questions about your character. I do have a few specific comments though, about what you have written here.
1) "Midwestern farming county" should not be capitalized.
2) "A limousine on a Tuesday morning was right up there on the list"- Would Wed. have been a better day for it? Why have Tuesday specifically except to put a time on the event. Seems a little to specific for me.
3) I think it flows a little better (not to mention is a little less confusing) if you have "However, Jenkins..." instead of putting the 'however' at the end of the sentence.
That's all I got that's specific though. ^_^ Always a wonder, your talent.
1) "Midwestern farming county" should not be capitalized.
2) "A limousine on a Tuesday morning was right up there on the list"- Would Wed. have been a better day for it? Why have Tuesday specifically except to put a time on the event. Seems a little to specific for me.
3) I think it flows a little better (not to mention is a little less confusing) if you have "However, Jenkins..." instead of putting the 'however' at the end of the sentence.
That's all I got that's specific though. ^_^ Always a wonder, your talent.