rate_review Reviews

@3: Aha! the hilt of his sword is exactly what she saw! Some of the paragraphs were kind of smooshed together, but didn't take away too much from the plot.

i loved the pace of this chapter. i get bored sometimes by chase scenes or fight scenes because all of the twists and turns lose me and i just assume it went well and skip down... not this time. i was able to follow the whole thing, and i liked how artemis had just begun to realize something was wrong... good stuff. when jerrie and rumple found the note, the writing got just a little bit clumsy, but only in relation to the rest of the chapter. still understandable.

@4: late at night, half dead. Excellent chase. Every romance ought to have one in it. Chase of some sort. A test of strength. I hope they don't kill him...

@2: do two stolen kisses cancel each other out?
tantalyzing

amazing story, its truly got me hooked.

Not bad, I like the idea and I cannot wait to see where you will go with it. luck

Nicely done. Some parts (such as the entering scene and set up of who exactly it is that he is robbing) are confusing, but I like the twist at the end with both trying to steal the same heart.
I know you mentioned this, but the grammar suffers a bit, and some of the sentences need to be shorter and tighter, but overall it's a really original idea, very captivating...

really nice! this chapter was easier to read, flowed more. i didn't notice how quickly i was reading till i was halfway done and i was so... great story. and thank you for bringing rane by!! i had a feeling he was a good sort. hadren... what intrigue!! i'm loving that. you know, i'm really excited about this story! i'll be looking forward to chapter 4.

well, reddragon, you've done it again. i love the way your world fills in around me. i can hear the crowd behind me, or visualize the rooms of the house (where the necklace was stolen)... you don't even have to describe them and i can sense them. i like your tertiary characters, they seem to have their own lives and not just to exist to satisfy a plot point. if you don't mind just a little criticism, your characters seem to speak very melodramatically, even though they think in the vernacular. it's kind of ...odd. *shrug*.. still love the story!

elisabeth chase

Ohohohohoho, this seems like an interesting piece of work, very nice... update again soon!