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January 31, 2013 at 12:00 AM
I would like to read the sequel! What wil happen when their father will come to check on them? Is he already checking on them?
Pleaaase! I want to know!
Pleaaase! I want to know!
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March 31, 2010 at 12:00 AM
interesting story. I hope there'll be more. But I feel really sorry for Carmela. she has a lot shit going on for her. I hope somehow better times are coming for her or she somehow gets something out off all the things she had to deal with.
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December 1, 2006 at 12:00 AM
This is a great start...I hope that you keep going with this. This is a very interesting story! Love it :) Hopefully you will update soon :)
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January 21, 2006 at 12:00 AM
Hi Mar! :)
How are you doing? :) Hope well :) Finally, I have read the whole story ( at least, the extract you put here, from the first letter to the last ) .... ;)
I found the idea of writing about Lucifer and a human girl great .... Imagining what would happen if the Devil himself met a human girl, raped her and made her bear a child for him .... ;)
The idea of giving two children to Lucifer instead of one - a cruel and an even more brutal one -, is good again, an excellent work of mind .... ;)
And you have just cut the story at the right place! Personally, I'm eager to get to know the ending of the story .... :) If you already have the ending, I would gladly read it, and I promise not to use it anywhere, I'm not stealing anything, don't worry .... ;) :) I just like it .... :)
First, the bathroom scene seemed to be a bit how could I say .... rude to me .... But a few lines later, I understood everything .... It's a pure seen which you needed for the better description of Christos .... ;) So, it was necessary to put it there .... ;) :)
But in my opinion, your story would have much bigger effect on readers if you got more into details .... Much more .... You know, it would be much detailed, longer, so that the readers became more and more curious to know the ending .... They could get into the story deeper and deeper .... They felt the meaning better and better .... It would be more catchy if you detailed the scenes .... And I think you should put in more descriptions .... For instance, you could describe Lucifer and Carmela more in the beginning, tell more previous stories about them, to shape the basic characteristics in the readers' mind .... And then, the raping scene would be short again, so it hit more .... ;) :)
I'm not good at critising someone's work, and I don't like it either, but I found your work great .... You ahve the talent and the poewer! :) ;) You shouldn'T waste it .... You should develop this story into a novel .... ;) But I gotta go now, unfortunately .... :( See you soon! Have a nice smiely day! :) Bye for now! :)
Take care, *a big hug*
beáta
P.S. we can talk about this later if you wanna do so, it had a great impression on me .... ;) :)
How are you doing? :) Hope well :) Finally, I have read the whole story ( at least, the extract you put here, from the first letter to the last ) .... ;)
I found the idea of writing about Lucifer and a human girl great .... Imagining what would happen if the Devil himself met a human girl, raped her and made her bear a child for him .... ;)
The idea of giving two children to Lucifer instead of one - a cruel and an even more brutal one -, is good again, an excellent work of mind .... ;)
And you have just cut the story at the right place! Personally, I'm eager to get to know the ending of the story .... :) If you already have the ending, I would gladly read it, and I promise not to use it anywhere, I'm not stealing anything, don't worry .... ;) :) I just like it .... :)
First, the bathroom scene seemed to be a bit how could I say .... rude to me .... But a few lines later, I understood everything .... It's a pure seen which you needed for the better description of Christos .... ;) So, it was necessary to put it there .... ;) :)
But in my opinion, your story would have much bigger effect on readers if you got more into details .... Much more .... You know, it would be much detailed, longer, so that the readers became more and more curious to know the ending .... They could get into the story deeper and deeper .... They felt the meaning better and better .... It would be more catchy if you detailed the scenes .... And I think you should put in more descriptions .... For instance, you could describe Lucifer and Carmela more in the beginning, tell more previous stories about them, to shape the basic characteristics in the readers' mind .... And then, the raping scene would be short again, so it hit more .... ;) :)
I'm not good at critising someone's work, and I don't like it either, but I found your work great .... You ahve the talent and the poewer! :) ;) You shouldn'T waste it .... You should develop this story into a novel .... ;) But I gotta go now, unfortunately .... :( See you soon! Have a nice smiely day! :) Bye for now! :)
Take care, *a big hug*
beáta
P.S. we can talk about this later if you wanna do so, it had a great impression on me .... ;) :)
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January 6, 2006 at 12:00 AM
@2: "It had been a hellish 17 years at that." That kind of made me laugh. "Kali" is another name for the Hindu goddess of destruction. Good pick
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January 5, 2006 at 12:00 AM
Really good hope you continue.
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January 3, 2006 at 12:00 AM
cool story! keep updating!
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January 1, 2006 at 12:00 AM
Interesting story! Can't wait for the next chapter!
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January 1, 2006 at 12:00 AM
Really good. I hope he cmes for her again in te future!