rate_review Reviews

Aww... Cute little Raf wanted to be a king. How sweet. I liked the little flash-back scene. I think flash-backs work much better than a character explaining their background in their head. Because in reality, who does that? (Well me but then... there /are/ voices in my head.) *thinks about writing an intro for a multiple-personalty-disorder person* *shakes head* Anyways... *pictures Leon and Raf laying naked together in bed* So hot. *snickers* Too much sugar. I have a suggestion. *waves hand in air* I want a bath tub or swimming sex scene. And that\'s all for now folks. *bows off the stage*

Talk to you later, Leon.

Aw, Leon\'s such a sweetie-hoe... let\'s torture him more o_O; Anyway, wherever this story goes, I\'m sure I\'ll continue to enjoy it ^_^ Thank you for sharing your perviness with us, keep it up :D

Hey, again. Still loving your story. *grins* Ok. I get it now. And OWE! Why didn\'t Raf scream? It freaking hurts to only have a little spit for lubrication. Anyways I have one suggestion/question thing. Please correct me if I\'m wrong but I[\'m reasonably certain using an \'e\' on the end of blond is indicative of a female and no \'e\' is male or female. (I looked it up recently for a character but I may be confused.)
Toodles.

Very hot chapter...

I\'m eagerly waiting to see what comes next.

I\'m enjoying the story - and the smut, but I have some (hopefully) constructive criticisms to make.

I really dislike identifying someone by his hair color. For example, instead of saying \'the blond\', maybe use something like \' the slender blond slave boy\', or simpler - \'the young blond slave\' or \'the younger boy\'.

Sometimes you could use more commas to separate thoughts.

Maybe something to just discuss - but does a man (or a boy) truly experience pleasure just from anal intercourse? Unless his cock is being stroked, or his prostrate touched? I\'ve been told not...

Please don\'t let my comments dissuade you - you have excellent potential - and your story line is fascinating!

Hey, this is Jace in case you couldn\'t tell. I like/love your story. Just thought I\'d let you know. (Sebbie thinks loving this story makes me a sick and twisted person so I punched him in the stomach. Liking this story does not make me a sick and twisted person. What do you know anyway? *points finger at Sebbie* You\'re only my boyfriend after all. I am the Genius. *cough*) I thought the sex scene was pretty good. I\'ve er *cough* read a lot of them. And most of them were written by girls. Which makes me wonder where they find out how two guys have sex and what it feels like... I\'ve only had one problem so far. I didn\'t think you described the room well enough. (Which might not be a bad idea that way you can add onto it as you like...) Oh but there was one other description problem. I confused as to how they were getting tied up with the ribbons. This might just be a problem in my apparently spatially defective mind but I thought I\'d mention it.

*gives love from Jace and Sebbie* (Because we both know he liked it too!)
I hope you feel inspired to write more soon.

This is awesome! Usually I wouldn\'t like the master using them both at the same time, but this is really good. I hope he also wants to keep Rafaek though because I really like him.

Hey - great story so far keep it up, and good luck with the story. I\'m a NaNo er as well. Wish I would have thought of something like this to do for it. XD

Oh - I think this is excellent!

A friend of mine is also doing the Nov. novel, but she abhors slash, so it\'s nowhere near as good as yours! {grin}

Excellent beginning - and I\'m really looking forward to each new chapter! Your characters and plot line are intriguing - you\'ve made me care what happens.