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schedule
November 14, 2005 at 12:00 AM
Hey, this story isn\'t bad at all. You\'ve got good details and great characters, but i\'d like to see you develope this plot even further, it\'s very good. I\'ll read the rest when I beta it.
schedule
November 9, 2005 at 12:00 AM
use breaks or something, you go from one scene to another without any form of transition.