schedule
November 10, 2005 at 12:00 AM
I like version 2 better (and I liked 1.) I don\'t publish to AFF, so I don\'t know how their formatting works, but something weird is happening on that (but it doesn\'t detract from the story.) Write another chapter.
It\'s a fun story.
It\'s a fun story.
schedule
November 6, 2005 at 12:00 AM
Hey --
Your writing is fine -- some spelling and wrong words here and there, but really, its fine. If I have one complaint it would be on the pacing -- from what I can tell the story starts with two friends who, after work, decide to go swimming, decide they like each other and get sexual -- all in an hour or so...what happens in chapter two? (and to make it easier to read, you might want to put an extra blank line in the text between paragraphs...)
BC
Your writing is fine -- some spelling and wrong words here and there, but really, its fine. If I have one complaint it would be on the pacing -- from what I can tell the story starts with two friends who, after work, decide to go swimming, decide they like each other and get sexual -- all in an hour or so...what happens in chapter two? (and to make it easier to read, you might want to put an extra blank line in the text between paragraphs...)
BC