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November 23, 2005 at 12:00 AM
An even better chapter than the last one, it seemed to just flow together a little better than a lot of your stuff. I like how immature Zip and Sarah are being about their relationship, but only if you develop them from that... I was kind of hoping Sin would have already told Eddie, just to get it out of the way. Although thinking about it Im not sure as much good would have come of the situation if Eddie was there also. Either way, keep writing:-)
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November 23, 2005 at 12:00 AM
Reviewing chapters 14-15, Tirch I only see you as the most awesomest person on this website beside Templeton21. Finally the first adorable couple on the face of adultfanfiction is going to be okay and they are getting married! You’ve made my weekend that much happier. It’s nice to have Tavian in these couple of chapters because he lightens the mood and he’s funny. Sin’s character exceeded my expectation of her reaction to Sarah and such. Sin is great. Zip has become a man and I find him kind of appealing. Even though he is a dick he was there for Joseph. Sarah is slowly progressing and maturing. Happy Thanksgiving and good luck on the move, just don’t forget your computer, hehe. Thanks for updating.
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November 23, 2005 at 12:00 AM
Yipee!!! I am so glad that Lianna is going to be fine. You know u had me scared right ...any way.... back to Sarah and Zip, I was hoping for some major freakin out from Sin, but i guess its good for Sarah and Zip that she didnt. I can\'t believe Zip is acting that way....he\'s just scared. Punk. Sarah does have the tendency to be selfish, but i really didn\'t think her trying to apologize, should have gotten that kind of reaction, but its ur story right...LOL. See, I just want them together, quick and simple, but wut kind of story would that be. Great couple of chapters, can\'t wait for more.
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November 23, 2005 at 12:00 AM
awwww I love this story so much. Update asap
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November 23, 2005 at 12:00 AM
on again off again--zip and sarah act like they\'re a light switch or something. haha :p hope your move goes well :)
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November 22, 2005 at 12:00 AM
Well, that was resolved in a nice and tidy manner...
I hope my previous comment wasn\'t taken as a harsh criticism, because it wasn\'t meant to be that way. It can be pretty difficult to maintain a sense of focus with stories that run for so many chapters. I really respect and admire you as a writer and I think you have a great talent for it, especially when it comes to maintaining that delicate balance between all the different plot lines. When (or perhaps that should be IF) I get back around to continuing my story, if I could have half the talent you have for writing, I\'d be happy.
I hope I\'m not gushing too much ^_^
Oh yeah, and yay for Sin! She\'s the greatest!
I hope my previous comment wasn\'t taken as a harsh criticism, because it wasn\'t meant to be that way. It can be pretty difficult to maintain a sense of focus with stories that run for so many chapters. I really respect and admire you as a writer and I think you have a great talent for it, especially when it comes to maintaining that delicate balance between all the different plot lines. When (or perhaps that should be IF) I get back around to continuing my story, if I could have half the talent you have for writing, I\'d be happy.
I hope I\'m not gushing too much ^_^
Oh yeah, and yay for Sin! She\'s the greatest!
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November 22, 2005 at 12:00 AM
I didn\'t see my review either, and that\'s weird.
So anyway. This one was much more hopeful, not only because of Lianna\'s health but with all the support Joseph got from his friends.
I\'m wondering when Sin will confont them, but then I guess now is not a good idea.
Good chapter, keep going.
So anyway. This one was much more hopeful, not only because of Lianna\'s health but with all the support Joseph got from his friends.
I\'m wondering when Sin will confont them, but then I guess now is not a good idea.
Good chapter, keep going.
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November 22, 2005 at 12:00 AM
OOOOOOOO good story....enough to make ya cry......
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November 22, 2005 at 12:00 AM
It may have been a shorter chapter, but it had a few things that definately were needed. First, it is GREAT that Zip is really being there for Joseph. Thats definately a plus. Secondly, Im glad to see someone tell Sarah that she is just a hair concieted and Im glad she someone realizes it at the end. Other than that, no problems. Keep up the writing, and hopefully not so much of a delay on this next chapter...
Oh and P.S. I still think Sin would have reacted a bit differently.
Oh and P.S. I still think Sin would have reacted a bit differently.
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November 22, 2005 at 12:00 AM
I love it when people talk about their characters like they have no control over them. (well, obviously)
Yeah, that\'s right. I, much like to a kitten, am cute and cuddly with sharp claws and teeth.
Kinda disappointing.
Three steps forward, one step back.
Four steps back and two steps forward.
Didn\'t really get anywhere, although I\'m sure Sare would say she\'s back several steps behind everyone else, but at least she\'d admit it, which is better than she\'s done in the past.
Honestly, I feel bad for Sin. She probably wants to figure out some ground with Sare and Zip, but bigger than that is Lianna. (who, by the way, had BETTER live!)
Yeah, that\'s right. I, much like to a kitten, am cute and cuddly with sharp claws and teeth.
Kinda disappointing.
Three steps forward, one step back.
Four steps back and two steps forward.
Didn\'t really get anywhere, although I\'m sure Sare would say she\'s back several steps behind everyone else, but at least she\'d admit it, which is better than she\'s done in the past.
Honestly, I feel bad for Sin. She probably wants to figure out some ground with Sare and Zip, but bigger than that is Lianna. (who, by the way, had BETTER live!)