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April 28, 2017 at 12:00 AM
I like this story quite a bit. Do you intend to continue it?
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January 15, 2009 at 12:00 AM
You and your itty-bitty teeny-tiny fetish... Why gosh darn it? I think I understand male rubber fetishes, before your particular size fetish. Very Old and confused, G
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November 2, 2008 at 12:00 AM
This is a beautiful story!
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May 10, 2008 at 12:00 AM
This was the most original and entertaining thing I've read in a long time. It felt so nostalgic somehow, like an episode of the Twilight Zone. Good stuff!
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January 15, 2006 at 12:00 AM
It is possible to take a genuinely unusual concept and make a fun story of it. Think of the concept at the center of this story. A very small woman has popped up in the house of a normal-sized man! The key question: Where does one go with that? I am pleased to report, as a reader, that your answer is a good one. It turns out that the concept can be taken in a number of directions.
The first thing that I like: Your control of the language is more or less error-free, save for the occasional compound adjective – like error-free – that needs a hyphen. To me, that is a major plus in fanfic, as it is very hard to tell a good story if the words alone can defeat you. Congratulations.
Aside from that, there are many things that you do quite well. Writing in the first person allows you to explore the situation at hand in a more intimate manner, answering the innate questions as they arise in the minds of both the narrator and the reader. Though the narrator might be a self-insertion, using the first person allows you to dodge that bullet and present him as Joe Normal.
I particularly like the introduction of a language barrier between the narrator and his visitor, since it forces the two characters to find other means of understanding at communication. You have most likely heard the expression that is possible to talk a lot without saying anything, but you have, in this story, illustrated the most important part of communication: Words alone cannot say everything. That is a lesson that I wish more than a few fanficcers could learn.
As for the actual content of the story, you manage to give it a certain unobtrusive believability, aided considerably by the narrator relating it to concepts he has seen on science fiction television shows. The raison d'être of the very small woman does not overwhelm the story, though. The characters are not overcrowded by plot. The story is simple, and it keeps itself simple.
Anyway, to wrap up, you have done a very good job here, Mr. Keith. I have no real complaints, though I join other reviewers in saying that, if you wished to continue this plot, you can very easily do so. ... Otherwise, the whole Thumbelina thing might be a peculiar concept, but you pull it off skillfully. The rule goes that you can get away with anything if you write it well, and that holds true here.
Many happy returns!
The first thing that I like: Your control of the language is more or less error-free, save for the occasional compound adjective – like error-free – that needs a hyphen. To me, that is a major plus in fanfic, as it is very hard to tell a good story if the words alone can defeat you. Congratulations.
Aside from that, there are many things that you do quite well. Writing in the first person allows you to explore the situation at hand in a more intimate manner, answering the innate questions as they arise in the minds of both the narrator and the reader. Though the narrator might be a self-insertion, using the first person allows you to dodge that bullet and present him as Joe Normal.
I particularly like the introduction of a language barrier between the narrator and his visitor, since it forces the two characters to find other means of understanding at communication. You have most likely heard the expression that is possible to talk a lot without saying anything, but you have, in this story, illustrated the most important part of communication: Words alone cannot say everything. That is a lesson that I wish more than a few fanficcers could learn.
As for the actual content of the story, you manage to give it a certain unobtrusive believability, aided considerably by the narrator relating it to concepts he has seen on science fiction television shows. The raison d'être of the very small woman does not overwhelm the story, though. The characters are not overcrowded by plot. The story is simple, and it keeps itself simple.
Anyway, to wrap up, you have done a very good job here, Mr. Keith. I have no real complaints, though I join other reviewers in saying that, if you wished to continue this plot, you can very easily do so. ... Otherwise, the whole Thumbelina thing might be a peculiar concept, but you pull it off skillfully. The rule goes that you can get away with anything if you write it well, and that holds true here.
Many happy returns!
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January 13, 2006 at 12:00 AM
I read a lot of stuff at adultfanfiction.net, and read a lot in general. Your story 'Invader' caught my eye. I wasn't sure about the size-themed thing at first, because I've not read any of it before.
I have to say I really enjoyed your story. Your writing is fluid and engaging with a definite relaxed style. I like your use of description and the way in which you managed to put some real fun into their interactions, sexually and otherwise. The way you wrote the situations and provided the thoughts of the male character shows a real respect for the female character. That is refreshing to say the least. Invader left me feeling happy and with a smile on my face, bravo! I look forward to reading more of your stories and hope you continue writing, you have real talent.
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January 10, 2006 at 12:00 AM
maybe because up until the statment about removing the bra, I almost thought she were made of plastic or something of that nature. Yes I have a super strange mind....
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January 4, 2006 at 12:00 AM
I just finished reading this story, and might I say that you have such an asome mind. When you talked about a size differance, I didn't expect what I recieved. I was also floored by your grammer and spelling, and how you discribed things. I could almost picture everything, as if it were happening right in front of my eyes. When you got down to her undergarments, that discription I would have to say, is what floored me the most. I tried to picture someone the size of a barby doll waring a bra, but anything is possible. I know you have a long list of stories, and I intend to read and review them all, all in do time.
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October 29, 2005 at 12:00 AM
incredible imagination, well written. I think you still have one foot in childhood and the other in merging adulthood. what a strange tale. I really didn\'t think I would like this story, but you surprised me. I like how you described all her weapons and the yoda thingy. I especially liked \"festooned\".
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October 24, 2005 at 12:00 AM
lol i loved your story it was great and funny, even though its probably on one shot flick i would love to see more it
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