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November 6, 2005 at 12:00 AM
oh.... I wonder what is going to happen?? Please update soon I wonder what will happen when Nedia and Noah run into one another again??
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November 5, 2005 at 12:00 AM
are u gonna update or not???? i wanna know what happens!!!
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November 1, 2005 at 12:00 AM
Hey dear its a great story keep it up
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October 31, 2005 at 12:00 AM
Yikes! Jessy is crazy. PLease update soon! I can\'t wiat to read what happens next.
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October 31, 2005 at 12:00 AM
oh this is getting interesting please update again soon
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October 30, 2005 at 12:00 AM
oh interesting please update again soon
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October 30, 2005 at 12:00 AM
it is a great story. keep up with the good work. i want to kno wat noah is going to do.
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October 29, 2005 at 12:00 AM
there is a very nice concept, but in need of serious reworking.
Apart from the above mentioned criticisms which I agree with (grammar, spelling, the constant past/present change that is a little confusing too), there is something else that lacks to my taste: character depth. We need to get to know the characters better, what they are like, what they think, how they feel. I know that a lot of people think that \"description\" is boring, that \"action\" is very important, but it is not necessary true. Descriptions are very important, they give the general mood and enable the readers to get to know the settings and characters, they make the story more \"real\", and moving. Too much action + dialogues equals a \"jumpy\" story with little feelings to it.
A good plot idea (which you have) requires a good exectution as well to make a reallly interesting story. I hope that you\'ll consider rewriting your story because I believe that it could be a lot better it you tried. Right now, it feels too \"light\" and imature, but the concept deffinitly has potential that you\'ll hopefully be able to reach ^_^ So I hope that you won\'t take my criticism the wrong way, I just reviewed to let you know how I thought you could improve your story.
(sorry about the mistakes in the review, I\'m not a native english speaker, but I think that the ideas were clearly expressed).
Apart from the above mentioned criticisms which I agree with (grammar, spelling, the constant past/present change that is a little confusing too), there is something else that lacks to my taste: character depth. We need to get to know the characters better, what they are like, what they think, how they feel. I know that a lot of people think that \"description\" is boring, that \"action\" is very important, but it is not necessary true. Descriptions are very important, they give the general mood and enable the readers to get to know the settings and characters, they make the story more \"real\", and moving. Too much action + dialogues equals a \"jumpy\" story with little feelings to it.
A good plot idea (which you have) requires a good exectution as well to make a reallly interesting story. I hope that you\'ll consider rewriting your story because I believe that it could be a lot better it you tried. Right now, it feels too \"light\" and imature, but the concept deffinitly has potential that you\'ll hopefully be able to reach ^_^ So I hope that you won\'t take my criticism the wrong way, I just reviewed to let you know how I thought you could improve your story.
(sorry about the mistakes in the review, I\'m not a native english speaker, but I think that the ideas were clearly expressed).
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October 28, 2005 at 12:00 AM
Oh! The truth is coming. I really like this story. please update soon.
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October 28, 2005 at 12:00 AM
ohh the plot thickens... oh please update soon