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December 11, 2005 at 12:00 AM
omg i can't believe u punker how could u talk like this , and dondon is right not to answer someone like u i don't think that u just hated the story that seems very personal or it is just jealousy how dare u talk like that a very low person or only jealous moron's talk like this and that is just what u are i'm also not going to get myself lower than that like u. and btw i hate people like u 2 just stupid and full of hatred to other people , and i don't think that u'll find someone who will bare u so just go burn in hell or something and that is a start for a how to get rid of people like u and hope u get over it and i think "therapy" can help .
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December 10, 2005 at 12:00 AM
jesus-fedora-wearing-christ, this was worse than that awful story by blondiexoxo! you people really don't have lives, do you? okay, i aint trolling, i am giving you a true and honest critique. watch out, here i come.
that sucked because:
it was unoriginal
the characters weren't developed
most 14 year old children just cannot write that well
i suggest, to improve this story, you:
grow a brain
age a few years
think for yourself
cheers and beers, punker.
and no, i don't like GC! or A SIMPLE PLAN!!11!!!!!1111 i like real punk rock. huhuhuhu.
if you'd like to CHAT email me at
anotherclockworkorange@yahoo.co.uk
bitch
that sucked because:
it was unoriginal
the characters weren't developed
most 14 year old children just cannot write that well
i suggest, to improve this story, you:
grow a brain
age a few years
think for yourself
cheers and beers, punker.
and no, i don't like GC! or A SIMPLE PLAN!!11!!!!!1111 i like real punk rock. huhuhuhu.
if you'd like to CHAT email me at
anotherclockworkorange@yahoo.co.uk
bitch
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December 10, 2005 at 12:00 AM
OH. i almost forgot. USE PROPER GRAMMER SPELLING AND DON'T TYPE LIKE YOU ARE WRITING A TEXT MESSAGE TO A FRIEND! YOU STUPID NAIVE CHILD!! i fucking hate people like you.
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December 10, 2005 at 12:00 AM
oh my diety, i only read chapters 1-3, i didn't realize there were..twenty or so. this is a waste of cyberspace. this story makes me want to plunge my head into a vat of steamy hot, boiling cooking oil. or maybe you're the one who should do that. go have sex with your finger, girl, it's the best you'll ever get. i agree with avidreader about the 13 year old girl thing. but likei said before, i guess that you're around 14. maybe not, though. maybe 12 or 11 is a better guess.
lots of love,
punker.
don't forget to email me @ anotherclockworkorange@yahoo.co.uk
we should go out or something
bitch.
lots of love,
punker.
don't forget to email me @ anotherclockworkorange@yahoo.co.uk
we should go out or something
bitch.
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November 22, 2005 at 12:00 AM
Thank you, Dondon. I appreciate you\'re taking my comments in the nature in which they were intended-- to help make you a better writer. I admire anyone with the guts to put something out there for the world to dissect and it\'s obvious you have a good idea for a story and the potential for real talent. Best of luck and I look forward to reading your new version when it\'s done!
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November 21, 2005 at 12:00 AM
hey dondon,
you really did a great job on this story , you must have really been working hard to make it like this it\'s absolutly magnifecent , and whatever anybody says but that don\'t believe him, Because this story touched my heart it even made me cry , the ending was just incredable and i\'m waiting to read your next story hurry up , thanks alot .
you really did a great job on this story , you must have really been working hard to make it like this it\'s absolutly magnifecent , and whatever anybody says but that don\'t believe him, Because this story touched my heart it even made me cry , the ending was just incredable and i\'m waiting to read your next story hurry up , thanks alot .
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November 21, 2005 at 12:00 AM
dondon great job i really hoped that you hadn\'t have to ended coz i was really enjoing it alot , hope everyone enjoyed it as much as i did ,luv ya moot ya gameela and waiting for your next story .
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November 21, 2005 at 12:00 AM
it\'s really good and i ienjoyed it. I hope others will too.
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November 21, 2005 at 12:00 AM
Please, please remove this story and rewrite it. I tried to read it... I really did, but I just had to stop when I read something about the guy pulling out his \"self phone\".
And stop using \"... and stuff\". That\'s a cop-out and a clue that you aren\'t willing, as a writer, to go in-depth to improve your work. Is this an original piece of fiction with original characters or a fantasy you\'re placing yourself in? Because I believe part of the reason you\'re unwilling to strenghten your characters and explain what makes them tick is because you already know them so well- possibly because it\'s you and the star of your high school\'s football team?
You also need to eliminate pretty much all of your exclamation points. And pay attention in English class. Perhaps even find a tutor.
Get yourself a good beta. And a good beta is not someone who reads your work and never says anything other than \"It\'s great!\" If you can\'t find a beta, step back from your story a little bit, print out a few pages and read it out loud to yourself exactly how you\'ve written it and I think you\'ll realize that even though you have an ending, it\'s only about 5% finished.
And stop using \"... and stuff\". That\'s a cop-out and a clue that you aren\'t willing, as a writer, to go in-depth to improve your work. Is this an original piece of fiction with original characters or a fantasy you\'re placing yourself in? Because I believe part of the reason you\'re unwilling to strenghten your characters and explain what makes them tick is because you already know them so well- possibly because it\'s you and the star of your high school\'s football team?
You also need to eliminate pretty much all of your exclamation points. And pay attention in English class. Perhaps even find a tutor.
Get yourself a good beta. And a good beta is not someone who reads your work and never says anything other than \"It\'s great!\" If you can\'t find a beta, step back from your story a little bit, print out a few pages and read it out loud to yourself exactly how you\'ve written it and I think you\'ll realize that even though you have an ending, it\'s only about 5% finished.
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November 21, 2005 at 12:00 AM
Dear anon,
I hope you\'ll be able to read this. I\'m glad you tried to read my story and I\'m sorry there was alot of mistakes but I\'m sure you stopped reading probably from chapter 2 or 3. The story till chapter 6 or 7 had alot of mistakes, i know that but i tried my best to improve my writting and i know the last 5 chapters were good even if you don\'t agree with that, i know they were better.
Right now I\'m rewritting the story from the begining because i want it to be good. And if you\'d like to read it again when i reposted I\'ll be happy to send you an email or something.
Thanx for your review and i appreciate your honesty.
I hope you\'ll be able to read this. I\'m glad you tried to read my story and I\'m sorry there was alot of mistakes but I\'m sure you stopped reading probably from chapter 2 or 3. The story till chapter 6 or 7 had alot of mistakes, i know that but i tried my best to improve my writting and i know the last 5 chapters were good even if you don\'t agree with that, i know they were better.
Right now I\'m rewritting the story from the begining because i want it to be good. And if you\'d like to read it again when i reposted I\'ll be happy to send you an email or something.
Thanx for your review and i appreciate your honesty.