schedule
August 25, 2005 at 12:00 AM
YEY FOR THE NERDS! *waves nerd flag* I like this. Write more.
schedule
August 25, 2005 at 12:00 AM
Its nice to see that you continued your story i know its hard. The first chapter is a little choppy but shows promise its very easiy to fall into a pattern for these types of stories so try and be oringinal so far your doing well on that note so keep your head up! email me if you need some advice or encoragement or a beta reader
schedule
August 25, 2005 at 12:00 AM
Don\'t let the human fae get u down using ass in adultfanfiction.net is appropate and acceptable if a little unesscary ( spelled that wrong) and only someone imature would in this day and would care on a site that says ADULTFANFICTION i mean shut the fuck up ya bitch and grow up a little
whoo got that out o and if she\'s got something smart to say tell her to go fuck herself and if its a dude u sound like a bitch
sorry selfrightous people make me gag my email is the same as lazys just did\'nt want 2 rite it again
update soon
bye
whoo got that out o and if she\'s got something smart to say tell her to go fuck herself and if its a dude u sound like a bitch
sorry selfrightous people make me gag my email is the same as lazys just did\'nt want 2 rite it again
update soon
bye
schedule
August 25, 2005 at 12:00 AM
I LIKE your fic ^_^
Continue for ME?
Dont let my *name* go unnoticed ^_~
~ Navi~ (aka Nadine)
Continue for ME?
Dont let my *name* go unnoticed ^_~
~ Navi~ (aka Nadine)
schedule
August 25, 2005 at 12:00 AM
um, well for one longer chapters would be nice. getting into the story and then having it end in the next paragraph is annoying. other then that you write very well. I like the way the story flows and the descriptions you give. please do contiune!
schedule
August 25, 2005 at 12:00 AM
you are doing a wonderful job. please keep it up
schedule
August 3, 2005 at 12:00 AM
Well, I\'m only reviewing because (like my last review) I suppose I owe you one. However, as you probably recall, tact is not my strong suit. Besides, what use is there of lying blindly when it only tears someone down to discover the truth?
At any rate, continuing onward, I must say that this story has shown very little promise. It may have been a cliffhanger, but I felt no incentive to care if the story is updated or not. There was no real draw to the story, no compulsion to keep reading.
I also believe your chapter was too short and spent far too much time on background information. I understand that this is the first chapter, but I feel nothing occured in it. Sure, there was a request for a date, but there was no pressure building up to it. The arrival was rather flat.
Something about your paragraphs struck me as odd as well. Perhaps it was their unusual length, perhaps they merely seemed intimidating. Whatever the case, they, along with the rest, made the story rather awkward.
Another thing- contrary to what one might believe (and I\'ve caught my Blue at this too), using the word \"ass\" to describe a girl\'s rear is rather rude. It\'s also off-putting to the reader. Yes, this *is* adultfanfiction.net, but I don\'t like vulgar terms thrown about wherever. It tends to distract (and, in my case) disgust.
The main character also lacks thought. One may base certain characteristics off themselves, but it is preferrable to have some deviations.
I think I\'ve covered all the basic points. Don\'t murder me for my critique, because I warned you. In fact, I seem to remember warning a few people of my caustic tongue. (shrugs) Ah, well.
At any rate, continuing onward, I must say that this story has shown very little promise. It may have been a cliffhanger, but I felt no incentive to care if the story is updated or not. There was no real draw to the story, no compulsion to keep reading.
I also believe your chapter was too short and spent far too much time on background information. I understand that this is the first chapter, but I feel nothing occured in it. Sure, there was a request for a date, but there was no pressure building up to it. The arrival was rather flat.
Something about your paragraphs struck me as odd as well. Perhaps it was their unusual length, perhaps they merely seemed intimidating. Whatever the case, they, along with the rest, made the story rather awkward.
Another thing- contrary to what one might believe (and I\'ve caught my Blue at this too), using the word \"ass\" to describe a girl\'s rear is rather rude. It\'s also off-putting to the reader. Yes, this *is* adultfanfiction.net, but I don\'t like vulgar terms thrown about wherever. It tends to distract (and, in my case) disgust.
The main character also lacks thought. One may base certain characteristics off themselves, but it is preferrable to have some deviations.
I think I\'ve covered all the basic points. Don\'t murder me for my critique, because I warned you. In fact, I seem to remember warning a few people of my caustic tongue. (shrugs) Ah, well.
schedule
August 2, 2005 at 12:00 AM
It\'s good, interesting, but did it cut off itself or did you just forget the full stop(.) at the end? Looking forward to reading more.
schedule
August 1, 2005 at 12:00 AM
I love it though you should give a bit more deltail and not put cliffy!! I hate those