AFF Fiction Portal

rate_review Reviews

for The Jonard Sperm Bank

by jakelyon

person Anon
schedule August 23, 2005 at 12:00 AM
update.

now.
person Lil
schedule July 25, 2005 at 12:00 AM
abulous please continue!
person Anon
schedule July 20, 2005 at 12:00 AM
oh yeh, this is great! keep it up dude!
person kmkkm
schedule July 19, 2005 at 12:00 AM
please continue its a really sweet story
person subjunctivity
schedule July 19, 2005 at 12:00 AM
That was unique.
It was hot and funny at the same time. I had to read it again, and I\'m still smiling.
Excellent story. :D
person Peleia
schedule July 19, 2005 at 12:00 AM
That was really hot. =) Do we get to see what\'s next??
person Cameron
schedule July 19, 2005 at 12:00 AM
yeah what\'s next?
person Selenity Jade (Too Lazy to Log In)
schedule July 18, 2005 at 12:00 AM
Well... it wasn\'t good. I can\'t really think of much else to say. You created a pure stroke fic with no attempt at correcting any grammar or punctuation issues that really need addressed leading me and anyone else with even an iota of talent to guess that you did it to get yourself off, not to create something worthwhile for others to read.

I\'m open about a lot of fics I read, and it would be a semi-decent PWP story if you had paid attention to your writing, used less vulgar turns (if I hear cock one more time *sigh*), and actually took time to develop the story more INTO the sex, maybe kept this to a oneshot instead of splitting it up (after all six hours isn\'t gonna be that long of a fic and doesn\'t need to be chaptered), and quit with the first person stuff, it might have turned out decent.

There\'s more to writing adult fiction that putting down your sexual fantasies on paper with every vulgar slang term imaginable. Most people actually like a bit of a build up and proper grammar in a fic, especially when you can\'t understand what you\'re writing half the time with your complete disregard for quotation mark placements. Besides, 98 people out of 100 people don\'t really want to read first person stroke-fic author fantasies. They want to read erotic stories they can get into, even IF the erotic story is a stroke fic, which personally I dislike anyway.

Maybe actually try a bit harder before posting something up.
person kmnkm
schedule July 17, 2005 at 12:00 AM
CONTINUE REALLY F IN SWEET

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