schedule
July 16, 2005 at 12:00 AM
Dear CyBorian,
Firstly, I would like to express my confusion as to the content of this story of yours. At first, I assumed it would be something more of a fantasy story involving the ancient and the strange, only to discovered that it changed rather rapidly. Perhaps the first segment was that of a dream or a hallucination? I would hope so...Yet it all seems very, very confusing. I can hardly catch up with your story and am finding your descriptions rather...odd? I mean, you use certain words in places I would not expect to see them, but that\'s just me nit-picking. All in all, your content needs a bit of work. Perhaps you would like to better explain the situations? It would rather help.
As for grammar, I give your story, on a scale of one to ten with ten being the highest, at least a seven. You have a few things here and there that don\'t make sense and you put in some simple mistakes like forgetting to add an \"n\" or \"s\", but that\'s just nit-picking, yet again. In any case, I find your story to be somewhat interesting...You have a grip on language and description, at the least, and you\'re good with dialogue. However, you need to clarify things. Keep writing though and don\'t lose faith - this story has great potential.
~ Repsychus ~
Firstly, I would like to express my confusion as to the content of this story of yours. At first, I assumed it would be something more of a fantasy story involving the ancient and the strange, only to discovered that it changed rather rapidly. Perhaps the first segment was that of a dream or a hallucination? I would hope so...Yet it all seems very, very confusing. I can hardly catch up with your story and am finding your descriptions rather...odd? I mean, you use certain words in places I would not expect to see them, but that\'s just me nit-picking. All in all, your content needs a bit of work. Perhaps you would like to better explain the situations? It would rather help.
As for grammar, I give your story, on a scale of one to ten with ten being the highest, at least a seven. You have a few things here and there that don\'t make sense and you put in some simple mistakes like forgetting to add an \"n\" or \"s\", but that\'s just nit-picking, yet again. In any case, I find your story to be somewhat interesting...You have a grip on language and description, at the least, and you\'re good with dialogue. However, you need to clarify things. Keep writing though and don\'t lose faith - this story has great potential.
~ Repsychus ~