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October 31, 2008 at 12:00 AM
And..... Great beginning I would like to know what is next or are you giving up on this story? Don't it has potential.
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June 26, 2006 at 12:00 AM
the beginning is a bit confusing. u cant be sure of which girl it's talking about.
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June 26, 2006 at 12:00 AM
NOOOOOOOOOOO IT ENDED MORE MORE MOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOORE
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June 25, 2006 at 12:00 AM
ASSHOLE
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June 25, 2006 at 12:00 AM
LAKSHIMI! SO COOL!
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July 24, 2005 at 12:00 AM
Yah yah, more more...
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July 24, 2005 at 12:00 AM
Your plot developing nicely, but you need to update quicker if you want to keep your audience.
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July 23, 2005 at 12:00 AM
If this is as hot as The Rebel and The General... hunger for more anyway, if it\'s half as hot it\'s hot.
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July 18, 2005 at 12:00 AM
My, my, I WISH you would update. I don\'t even know why I LIKE this story, personally it\'s nothing much. So why the hell do I so want you to update so muh? (this is a balm for the nothing much bit)
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July 15, 2005 at 12:00 AM
Chapters rather short. Not particularly original, but I\'m not exactly qualified to complain about that. The good thing is it is quite \'punchy\'. With short chapters like that you have to hit the reader, lots of action and sudden changes. Be quite abrupt. You did that well; in the first chapter with the abrupt dumping and the second too. My advice to you would be to keep doing that, keep throwing curve balls with your story to keep it interesting. Also, you might consider teasing the reader with postponing the inevitable.
You write very well.
I would really like to see Brian get what he deserves. And I hope you continue this.
You write very well.
I would really like to see Brian get what he deserves. And I hope you continue this.