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September 21, 2005 at 12:00 AM
Ch.15
I hate Jason! make him die!
Mike\'s best. But Savannah needs some medicine.
I hate Jason! make him die!
Mike\'s best. But Savannah needs some medicine.
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September 20, 2005 at 12:00 AM
Wow...I didn\'t expect to like seeing Savannah with Mike...but I think if she\'s going for revenge, or anything like that, fooling around with Mike might be the way to go...
Loved the chapter! That one line \'This would be an unfortunate time to pass out,\' had me laughing so hard. I wasn\'t sure if I liked Savannah spilling everything to Jason -I wouldn\'t have- but she\'s not like me...and I think her innocence is what makes me like her. Jason was kind of a dick in this chapter, but I still like him ^_^
Also, I just wanted to say that I read your author\'s note and saw your response to Lisistrata. After reading that, and then reading the first paragraph, the description of the bathroom felt a little forced, as though you were trying to just tell us what it looked like all at once to get it over with. It may just seem that way to me because the A/N was directly before it. However, when you described the room Savvanah was staying in -the colors of it- it felt more natural. I have a terrible time describing rooms -I can see them in my head, but can never quite find the right words to tell the reader what they look like without sounding all blah. I tend to not even bother unless the place is particularly noteworthy. Most of the time I find that writers can get away with saying things like, \'She walked into the kitchen and sat down at the stool in front of the counter. She watched as her roomate rummaged in the fridge across from her.\' In my mind, that translates as \'a counter in the middle of the kitchen with stools and the fridge is against the opposite wall of the door.\' I don\'t necessarily need a blueprint. Is it vitally important to me to know where the stove and sink are? Probably not. Although, I will say, that when the entire room is significant -as was the case, it seemed, when Savannah and Jason had the foursome and he had her on the table- it is nice to know where things are. On the other hand, since this is always in first person -regardless of whose perspective it is- it isn\'t unreasonable to think that the character just doesn\'t see everything. I mean, how observant would YOU be if you had three guys all over you? I have to admit that I probably wouldn\'t even know where the floor is, much less where the closet is in relation to the bed or dresser. I\'m not trying to criticise, just give you my views on trying to describe surroundings -which probably wasn\'t helpful at all since I was kind of all over the place ^_^
Regardless, I love your story and the way you write. As a writer, you know that these things don\'t have any kind of formula. It is up to you to tell me what YOU feel is significant in the story -the rest I can fill in with my imagination. I\'m glad to know that I won\'t have to wait long for the next update! And I hope you aren\'t irritated by my midnight babbling! ^_^
Loved the chapter! That one line \'This would be an unfortunate time to pass out,\' had me laughing so hard. I wasn\'t sure if I liked Savannah spilling everything to Jason -I wouldn\'t have- but she\'s not like me...and I think her innocence is what makes me like her. Jason was kind of a dick in this chapter, but I still like him ^_^
Also, I just wanted to say that I read your author\'s note and saw your response to Lisistrata. After reading that, and then reading the first paragraph, the description of the bathroom felt a little forced, as though you were trying to just tell us what it looked like all at once to get it over with. It may just seem that way to me because the A/N was directly before it. However, when you described the room Savvanah was staying in -the colors of it- it felt more natural. I have a terrible time describing rooms -I can see them in my head, but can never quite find the right words to tell the reader what they look like without sounding all blah. I tend to not even bother unless the place is particularly noteworthy. Most of the time I find that writers can get away with saying things like, \'She walked into the kitchen and sat down at the stool in front of the counter. She watched as her roomate rummaged in the fridge across from her.\' In my mind, that translates as \'a counter in the middle of the kitchen with stools and the fridge is against the opposite wall of the door.\' I don\'t necessarily need a blueprint. Is it vitally important to me to know where the stove and sink are? Probably not. Although, I will say, that when the entire room is significant -as was the case, it seemed, when Savannah and Jason had the foursome and he had her on the table- it is nice to know where things are. On the other hand, since this is always in first person -regardless of whose perspective it is- it isn\'t unreasonable to think that the character just doesn\'t see everything. I mean, how observant would YOU be if you had three guys all over you? I have to admit that I probably wouldn\'t even know where the floor is, much less where the closet is in relation to the bed or dresser. I\'m not trying to criticise, just give you my views on trying to describe surroundings -which probably wasn\'t helpful at all since I was kind of all over the place ^_^
Regardless, I love your story and the way you write. As a writer, you know that these things don\'t have any kind of formula. It is up to you to tell me what YOU feel is significant in the story -the rest I can fill in with my imagination. I\'m glad to know that I won\'t have to wait long for the next update! And I hope you aren\'t irritated by my midnight babbling! ^_^
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September 20, 2005 at 12:00 AM
I luv this story update soon please!!!!
schedule
September 20, 2005 at 12:00 AM
Jason needs to get over himself and Savannah needs to get with Mike! lol I like him! You were right haha
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September 20, 2005 at 12:00 AM
\"Your place is in my bed\" God! I loved this line! And this is by far my favorite story on this site. I\'m always checking to see if you\'ve updated and I get a stupid grin on my face when I realize that you have. I must be in the minority but I do like Jason, not necessarily the ways he treats Savannah, but you do sometimes let his true feelings show through and I love his inner thoughts when he\'s trying to deny how he feels about her. He does love her in his own, very unique way. Keep up the awesome job and don\'t you dare stop updating!
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September 19, 2005 at 12:00 AM
ARGH! How dare you!! How dare you leave it as such a cliffhanger!!! Lol. I\'m almost dying to find out what happens next. Urgh!! Update, soon!!!
~LauReN
~LauReN
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September 19, 2005 at 12:00 AM
this was a very good chapter but let jason fall for her, let his fears go please
keep going and post soon
keep going and post soon
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September 19, 2005 at 12:00 AM
arg....where is the rest...I just started to read this last night and now there is no more? Me and me girlfriend have been having fun with this story......ADD MORE
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September 19, 2005 at 12:00 AM
Gah!!!
You. MUST. update. The suspense is killing me. *loves on Jason and Savvy* :D Thanks! I really love this story.
You. MUST. update. The suspense is killing me. *loves on Jason and Savvy* :D Thanks! I really love this story.
schedule
September 19, 2005 at 12:00 AM
reallie good now!!!
Silver
Silver