rate_review Reviews

It\'d be a pretty good story. As said before, work on the grammar. It\'s very, very hard to follow for me. Such as, \"walks in..\" who\'s walking in? If it\'s, say Shuichi, put like, \"Shuichi walked in to be greeted with..\". Alot of people will be by far less confused. That\'s all, :p I\'ll check in to see if you\'ve taken the advice of mine and others.

Spelling should be checked, and your grammar and syntax are all wrong. Don\'t stick a line of spoken text in the middle of a sentence without proper introduction. Also, the story is written rather plainly. Try spicing it up, putting spaces between the paragraphs, and writing it like a story, not like a diary entrance. That\'s what it sounded like to me. But good idea, and keep it up. If you need any more help, I\'ll be sure to lend ya some!