AFF Fiction Portal

rate_review Reviews

for Human trap (finished)

by slayer-of-evil

person Jula
schedule May 15, 2005 at 12:00 AM
Ummm.... huh? You need to clarify what is going on... cuz these few sentences don\'t make ANY sort of sense....
person Scribbles05
schedule April 25, 2005 at 12:00 AM
I like the story. And I like where it\'s headed. This story can really become something big. I can just picture all the twists and turns this story can have. My problem though is with three things: 1. The lack of names and characteristics doesn\'t give your readers a picture of what they look like. Unless you meant to so we could create them in our own imagination, then fine. 2. Setting. It helps to know where Man#1 was when he found the program and what his job is. 3. Grammar. I had trouble reading it a bit because some of the sentences needed commas, etc. I\'m not bashing you BY ANY MEANS. Just some constructive criticism is all.

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