schedule
March 28, 2005 at 12:00 AM
Interesting piece, overall. Well written, definitely something I\'d come back and read more of.
Now for the criticism.
The universe in which your piece is set could use more development. Drop a paragraph or two in the first chapter that describes the city more in-depth. What it looks like, the smells, the sounds, the lighting.
You\'ve introduced a few characters already, it\'s getting a touch complicated to keep up. Give some better descriptions of characters, their relationships with each other.
Expand each scene a little...they\'re definitely too short.
After all that, I must admit, it\'s better than the stuff I write so...yeah. :)
http://www.eliteskills.com/u/Orin (That\'s my crap.)
Now for the criticism.
The universe in which your piece is set could use more development. Drop a paragraph or two in the first chapter that describes the city more in-depth. What it looks like, the smells, the sounds, the lighting.
You\'ve introduced a few characters already, it\'s getting a touch complicated to keep up. Give some better descriptions of characters, their relationships with each other.
Expand each scene a little...they\'re definitely too short.
After all that, I must admit, it\'s better than the stuff I write so...yeah. :)
http://www.eliteskills.com/u/Orin (That\'s my crap.)