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November 23, 2004 at 12:00 AM
Strange things are afoot with my name, and I don\'t know about them. Great story though.
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November 10, 2004 at 12:00 AM
I actually agree, having that been one of the major flaws I noticed in this story. However, I like "showing" writing as opposed to "telling." So, we'll just pretend he's a suck-up british asshole with nothing better to do than read the dictionary and write romance fiction in his basement. *Is pretending* Thank you for the in depth comment, it makes my writing feel more than just some erotica people can jack off to.
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November 9, 2004 at 12:00 AM
You have a good command of language and the story's content is great!
But, here comes the constructive critism part, you might want to consider that you're writing in the POV of a high school junior, not saying that teenage narrators can't be elegant and descriptive, it's just that the story would be more believable (at least to me) and you more credible as a writer if you tone down the metaphors a bit.
Not trying to be a bitch or anything, I mean your descriptions are great but a little too mature for Ian I think. Just letting y'know the story could be better. =)
But, here comes the constructive critism part, you might want to consider that you're writing in the POV of a high school junior, not saying that teenage narrators can't be elegant and descriptive, it's just that the story would be more believable (at least to me) and you more credible as a writer if you tone down the metaphors a bit.
Not trying to be a bitch or anything, I mean your descriptions are great but a little too mature for Ian I think. Just letting y'know the story could be better. =)
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November 8, 2004 at 12:00 AM
Good start. I'd read more.
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November 8, 2004 at 12:00 AM
omg sweetie, you must write more, this is one of the first stories that i have found to like in a while i can't wait till you update you are so good at this, update soon, thanks baby